Advancing Women Podcast

All-Or-Nothing Thinking: What It Is, and How to Stop It!

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we're tackling cognitive distortions. A cognitive distortion is an assumption we make based on minimal evidence, or without considering the evidence. It is an exaggerated or irrational thought pattern that causes us to perceive reality inaccurately. We all engage in cognitive distortions.

We can overgeneralize and interpret one negative event or mistake as a pattern of defeat. We can mentally filter discounting our positive qualities and accomplishments and dwelling on the negatives. We jump to conclusions “mind-reading” others’ interpretation of our actions assuming others are judging us negatively, even when there is no definitive evidence. We can magnify or minimize our experiences blowing negative experiences or mistakes out of proportion and minimizing positive experiences and contributions. We can internalize blame for things we weren’t responsible for.

AND…one of the most common and potentially hindering cognitive distortions that we engage in is the all-or-nothing distortion. Looking at things in absolutes. Black and white versus shades of gray. We are all susceptible to all-or-nothing thinking. We easily recognize this when we’re talking about food and dieting, but we don’t always see it in other areas of our lives or our work. How one mistake or misstep can lead to us harping on small mistakes or leave us feeling like we might as well just throw in the towel.

Here’s the good news though. There ARE steps we can take to combat cognitive distortions. In this episode, I talk about how we can begin to identify cognitive distortions and put ourselves in a position to shift our mindset in ways that serve our emotional happiness and advancement.

References

Bollen, J., Ten Thij, M., Breithaupt, F., Barron, A. T., Rutter, L. A., Lorenzo-Luaces, L., & Scheffer, M. (2021). Historical language records reveal a surge of cognitive distortions in recent decades. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(30), e2102061118.

Abatecola, G., Caputo, A., & Cristofaro, M. (2018). Reviewing cognitive distortions in managerial decision making: toward an integrative co-evolutionary framework. Journal of Management Development.

https://www.betterup.com/blog/all-or-nothing-thinking

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Surviving Workplace Bullying with Zenica Chatman

According to a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute, one in four American workers have said that they have dealt with workplace bullying. Too often, when women experience workplace discrimination and bullying, we internalize that we are the problem and that does NOT serve us.
In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, I speak with certified coach, speaker, and anti-workforce bullying advocate Zenica Chatman to talk about how women can stand up against workplace bullying and help create work environments that are safe and equitable. Zenica authored the Fast Company article Workplace Bullying Eroded my Confidence at Work. Here's how I Recovered. She is the creator of Surviving Corporate Detox group coaching program which helps women establish a healthy relationship with work putting us back into the driver’s seat of our careers by helping us create an unbreakable attitude and unshakeable confidence no matter how toxic the workplace culture is!

#tunein and get unstuck! #advancingwomenpodast

Reference:

https://www.amazon.com/Inclusion-Purpose-Intersectional-Approach-Belonging/dp/0262046555

https://hbr.org/2022/09/the-psychological-toll-of-being-the-only-woman-of-color-at-work

Fast Company Article, By Zenica Chatman: Workplace bullying eroded my confidence at work. Here’s how I recovered: https://www.fastcompany.com/90793262/workplace-bullying-eroded-my-confidence-at-work-heres-how-i-recovered

Learn more about Zenica Chatman and her Surviving Corporate Detox Program:

https://www.zenicachatman.com/

Surviving Corporate Program https://www.zenicachatman.com/group-coaching

https://www.fastcompany.com/90793262/workplace-bullying-eroded-my-confidence-at-work-heres-how-i-recovered

Unlearn and Restore with Alicia Jabbar

I often say when you sit with warriors, the conversation is different! We all need both challenge and support to thrive in our careers and our lives, but this is especially important for women. As women, we face unique biases and barriers that make #mentors, #sponsors, #coaches, and #community even more important. “When women connect in groups, they experience a sense of validation and inspiration that breaks down the barriers limiting their fully expressed leadership in the world.”

There is wisdom in women’s shared experiences. There is power in the tribe!

I am very excited to talk with guest Alicia Jabbar in this episode. Alicia is a coach and facilitator who's designed and delivered more than one hundred women's, leadership programs to dozens of organizations and the public. She is an expert on coaching women working in male-dominated industries. Don’t miss this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast where we talk about unlearning limiting social conditioning and restoring the nature of who we are as leaders.

Reference:

Learn more about Alicia Jabbar https://www.linkedin.com/in/ajabbar/

To learn more about Alicia’s free November 17th workshop click here:  https://www.aliciajabbar.com/womens-leadership-collective

Alicia is launching a new group program in early 2023. Sign up for her newsletter on her website to learn when that becomes available.  https://www.aliciajabbar.com/womens-leadership

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The Dark Side of Beauty with Schonte Hamilton

“We live in an age of ugly beauty. Reverence for beauty is just an escape from reality, it is the perpetual adolescent in us refusing to accept a flawed world” ~ author, Nancy Etcoff (Survival of the Prettiest).

Research shows that society has long impacted our standards of beauty, playing a role in affecting beauty trends, body image, and self-esteem, and increasingly this is exacerbated by social media.

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, I talk with actress, singer, and songwriter Schonte Hamilton. Schonte is passionate about promoting body positivity and acceptance. She is the CEO of F.A.W.O.C. (For All Women of Color), a company that empowers women of all colors, in the world of entertainment.

We explore deeply entrenched beauty standards and consequences including digitized dysmorphia and the dangerous, even life-threatening lengths women go to in attaining unrealistic beauty standards. We talk about money, power, capitalism, and patriarchy  in a multi-billion-dollar industry that creates images of beauty and then “peddles them as opium for the female masses.” Don’t miss this important and timely conversation.

Reference

The Dark Side of Beauty: http://schontehamilton.reclaim.hosting/Visualcommunicationproject/

Henriques, M., & Patnaik, D. (2020). Social media and its effects on beauty. In Beauty-Cosmetic Science, Cultural Issues and Creative Developments. IntechOpen.

Verrastro, V., Liga, F., Cuzzocrea, F., & Gugliandolo, M. C. (2020). Fear the Instagram: beauty stereotypes, body image, and Instagram use in a sample of male and female adolescents. Qwerty-Open and Interdisciplinary Journal of Technology, Culture, and Education, 15(1), 31-49.

https://www.intechopen.com/chapters/73271

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Cultivating Creativity with Illustrator Heather Harris

It takes courage to express the things you are passionate about and to transcend the limits of your comfort zone. Connecting to your creativity is connecting to your courage.

Creativity, like courage, is energy with which you can connect. It is an essential part of who you are, AND it is a practice. Too often people think about creative people or the arts as being endowed from heaven, but as our guest today, illustrator and creator, Heather Harris says “That's not true. You were created, so you are creative!” Don’t miss this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast with artist and illustrator, Heather Harris here to help us cultivate creativity through developing a creative practice that fits into our busy lives.

Where there is creativity, there is courage, but perhaps more importantly, where there is creativity, there is joy. Hone your creative skills through a creative practice that will open you up to more joy and delight through creativity.

References:

https://heatherlynnharris.com/

Heather’s Pinterest Boards https://www.pinterest.com/heather7667/

https://www.instagram.com/heatherharris.illustration/

Heather’s picture books can be found on her website and are also available on Amazon!

https://www.psychreg.org/creativity-is-courage/

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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The 4 Ps Advancement Model™ for Women

The advancing women podcast is where empathy meets pragmatism and today's episode is heavy on pragmatism. As ambitious, warrior women, we spend a lot of time and effort working toward professional goals and advancement. Unfortunately, there are many inequitable, sometimes invisible barriers and bias patterns that create an unlevel playing field for women because the system was not designed by or for us. We can't keep playing the game and expecting the outcomes to change. We must change the game and find ways to interrupt the inequitable rules of the game in ways that help serve us.

Enter the 4 Ps Advancement Model™

Necessity is indeed the mother of invention and the best practice advice women have been given is flawed. Mainly because it focuses on fixing women, and we as women are neither broken, nor defective. We don’t need to be fixed. The system is broken and needs to be fixed, and we need to level the playing field. That is why I created this model which can be a highly effective tool for women in transcending and thriving despite inequity and bias.

The 4 Ps Advancement Model™ focuses on problems, patterns, processes, and proficiencies. Don’t miss this episode where I will apply the model to some of the most common biases and barriers women encounter based on evidence-based scientific research.

Despite the host of inequities, biases, and barriers that create an unlevel playing field for women it is possible that we can have the last word in the end if we adopt a mindset and behaviors that better serve us. This model is meant to give you the tools and process you need to define and overcome the real problems that keep far too many qualified, brilliant warrior women from advancing.

Reference:

Antifragility, Resilience, & Grit: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/antifragility-resilience-grit/id1569849100?i=1000538998137

The 4 Ps Advancement Model™ https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/

What Works for Women at Work https://womensleadership.stanford.edu/whatworks

Williams, J.C. & Dempsey, R. (2014). What Works for Women at Work. Four Patterns Working Women Need to Know. NYU Press.

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Compassionate Self-Improvement with Wellness Warrior Erica Golub

September is Self-Improvement Month, a time to reflect on all you've accomplished this year and to think about which goals you still want or need to work toward. Self-Improvement Month encourages us to make conscious and intentional efforts to improve ourselves.

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we approach self-improvement from a more compassionate and self-kind approach. Let’s think about the improvements we need to make, to be better to ourselves and at prioritizing OUR needs. Don’t miss this episode with esteemed guest; Wellness Warrior and certified yoga, mindfulness, and meditation practitioner Erica Golub as we talk about getting back to our center and realigning with our truest selves.

 

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Previous Advancing Women Podcast Episodes Referenced in this Episode:

Warriors Need Love (and Self-Care) Too! https://open.spotify.com/episode/6uTy7qmvWJzWt6qpGdYk78?si=5510b577898a4909

‎Advancing Women Podcast: Warriors Need Love (and Self-Care) Too! on Apple Podcasts

Toxic Positivity versus Mental Contrasting

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we explore toxic positivity; a phenomenon where positivity is used to minimize one’s experience, and how this has been painfully exacerbated because of social media which thrives on toxically optimistic outlooks.

Toxic positivity has perpetuated a brushing over of the real inequities and challenges many women face. With empowerment language forced upon us, there can be a false reality that leaves too many talented, empowered women, confused when our “positive vibes” aren’t enough to transcend very real gender bias and inequity in the workplace. Just as it is not healthy to think overly negative thoughts, exaggeratedly positive thoughts can be equally detrimental!

Enter Mental Contrasting…A far more efficacious approach. Mental contrasting is a technique that can help us achieve our goals by encouraging us to identify barriers and take the necessary steps to address obstacles rather than optimistically assuming that what we want and even deserve will materialize with positive thinking and hard work alone.

Learn more in this episode as we challenge meritocracy myths and topic positivity in favor of strategic approaches that serve women and allow us to transcend and thrive.

Resources

4Ps Advancement Model™ https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/

How Toxic Positivity Took Over the Internet https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/53737/1/how-toxic-positivity-took-over-the-internet

The Meritocracy Myth (iTunes) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-meritocracy-myth/id1569849100?i=1000542761335

The Meritocracy Myth (Spotify) https://open.spotify.com/episode/18xmxu9MsIFtoJbiwyJz9F?si=6e7e6e79c44543bd

Antifragility, Resilience, & Grit (iTunes) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/antifragility-resilience-grit/id1569849100?i=1000538998137

Antifragility, Resilience, & Grit (Spotify) https://open.spotify.com/episode/40YqOqMdFviN7C5l4Ab4y3?si=9e01f62401144ae9

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Let’s Teach Girls Bravery AND Teach Boys Empathy!

In her popular TEDTalk titled Teach Girls Bravery Not Perfection, Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code asserts that we are raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave. Saujani says “I worry about our bravery deficit. The bravery deficit is why women are underrepresented in STEM, C-suites, boardrooms, Congress, and pretty much everywhere you look.”

While I don't disagree that girls and women have been overly socialized to avoid risk, in this episode, I challenge assertions and oversimplifications that perpetuate a fix the women, fix the problem narrative.

Sure. Let's talk about teaching girls and women to be braver, but let's ALSO talk about teaching boys and men to be more empathetic. Where is the complimentary TEDTalk to teach girls bravery, not perfection titled teach boys empathy, not aggression?

This episode of the Advancing Women Podcast addresses the negative consequences of a workplace that disproportionately favors leadership traits like confidence and assertiveness when research shows traits like empathy and interpersonal sensitivity are as, if not more important.

In the face of epic leadership failures, tyrannical leadership, and ethical scandals that have destroyed companies and lives, it’s time to talk about how the workforce and what we value in leaders must change. Less fixing the women, more fixing the problem!

 

Previous Advancing Women Podcast Episodes Referenced in this Episode:

Fear of Failure: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fear-of-failure/id1569849100?i=1000527184290

Tightrope Bias & The Likeability Dilemma: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tightrope-bias-the-likeability-dilemma/id1569849100?i=1000570385546

 

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

 

Resources/Reference:

https://trainingindustry.com/articles/diversity-equity-and-inclusion/women-may-make-better-leaders-than-men-science-shows-feminine-leadership-qualities-that-drive-success/

https://news.usc.edu/30333/When-Stressed-Men-Charge-Ahead-Women-More-Cautious/

https://www.ig.com/en/news-and-trade-ideas/top-10-biggest-corporate-scandals-and-how-they-affected-share-pr-181101

https://www.scarymommy.com/instead-women-apologizing-men-apologize-more

https://hbr.org/2020/04/7-leadership-lessons-men-can-learn-from-women

Living Life to Our Fullest Potential With Margaret Weniger

In a world where high salaries and titles are often considered the pinnacle of success, we can sometimes overlook things like personal happiness, satisfaction, purpose, and reaching our full potential. Winning, collecting the most toys, making the most money, earning the big title, attaining and dominating...that tends to be the language of success. But what if we approach success more holistically? What if we had more conversations about the importance of living life to our fullest potential where we don't have to see success at odds with our happiness, purpose, and wellness? Living life to our fullest potential!

Don’t miss this episode of the advancing women podcast with coach, speaker, and host of Rising Tide Podcast Margaret Weniger. Margaret has interviewed more than 60 top female professionals on her podcast, and she has found that there are five themes that have emerged. Don’t miss this episode where Margaret will share the 5 things successful women are consistently doing that have enabled them to live as the fullest version of themselves.

Learn more about Margaret Weniger and the Rising Tide Podcast here:

TikTok: risingtidepodcast

Instagram: @risingtidepodcast

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/margaretweniger/

Rising Tide Website: https://www.thisisrisingtide.com/

Rising Tide Podcast: Available anywhere people listen to podcasts

Career Crew Blog Article: https://www.thisisrisingtide.com/blog/recipe-for-career-sucess

Learn more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast here:

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

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https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/