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Welcome to the Advancing Women Podcast where ambitious women come together to challenge the status quo, advance their careers, and up-level their lives. The Advancing Women Podcast is hosted by Gender Equity Expert and Executive Coach Dr. Kimberly DeSimone.
Episodes
7 days ago
7 days ago
What if the greatest loss in your life isn’t failure, burnout, or even heartbreak, but the quiet absence of moments that make you feel alive?
In this episode, we explore Deferred Life Syndrome…the pattern of postponing joy, rest, and meaningful experiences for “later.” After the busy season. After things calm down. After everything lines up perfectly.
But what if that “later” never actually comes?
Drawing on research around regret, lived experience, and the realities of modern life, especially for women navigating invisible labor and constant expectations, this episode challenges the myth of the perfect time and offers a more grounded, empowering alternative.
This is not about abandoning responsibility. It’s not about living recklessly. It’s about building a life you actually experience, not just manage.
In This Episode, We Explore:
- Why “I’ll do it later” quietly becomes a life pattern
- The concept of Deferred Life Syndrome and how it shows up
- What end-of-life research reveals about regret
- The hidden cost of productivity over presence
- Why “less busy” is a myth
- The power of thinking in seasons, not perfection
- How small, intentional moments can interrupt autopilot
- Moving from “someday” to “here’s how”
The goal isn’t to wait for a life that feels alive. The goal is to stop deferring and start living it.
Right here. Right now. In whatever way you can.
If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs permission to stop waiting.
Listen, Subscribe, Connect!
Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast
Monday Apr 20, 2026
Monday Apr 20, 2026
What happens when the people we believe are on our side… can’t hear us?
In this episode, I explore what I call the “good guy problem”…those moments when someone who sees themselves as fair, supportive, and an ally is given feedback, and instead of responding with curiosity, something shifts. The conversation moves away from what was experienced and toward protecting intentions, identity, and self-perception.
What makes these moments so complex is that they’re not random. Beneath the surface, something predictable is happening. Drawing on research in social psychology, including work on identity threat and moral self-image (e.g., Benoît Monin & Dale T. Miller), feedback about behavior can be experienced as a challenge to who someone believes they are. Instead of hearing, “Here’s something to reflect on,” the message becomes, “You’re not who you think you are.” And once that shift happens, the conversation is no longer about impact, it’s about protection.
We revisit my 3 A’s Model of Allyship (Acknowledgement, Amplification, and Action) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-3as-of-allyship-acknowledge-amplify-act/id1569849100?i=1000561686008 and name a critical insight: Allyship often breaks down at the very first step. Not when allies are learning about inequity in theory, but in the moment when someone says, “Something about that didn’t feel right.” Because acknowledgement, in that moment, requires the ability to sit with discomfort and remain open, even when it challenges your sense of self.
When that doesn’t happen, allyship can quietly slip into something more fragile; strong when affirmed, but unstable when challenged. This is “fragile allyship”. Instead of creating space for truth, it begins to prioritize comfort. And in that shift, women often find themselves not only naming what happened, but also managing the reaction that follows.
The episode also touches on the concept of Epistemic injustice (Miranda Fricker), which helps explain why these moments can feel so disempowering. When someone’s lived experience is questioned or dismissed, it’s not just disagreement; it’s a subtle undermining of their authority to interpret their own reality. And when that comes from someone positioned as an ally, it can erode trust in ways that are hard to name but deeply felt.
At its core, this episode comes back to a simple, necessary truth: you can be a good person and still get it wrong. In fact, the ability to hold both is what makes real allyship possible. Because if being “good” means never being wrong, there’s no room to listen, learn, or grow.
Real allyship isn’t about perfection. It’s about what happens in the moment when you’re told you missed something. It’s the ability to stay, to listen to impact without defensiveness, and to choose understanding over self-protection. #tunein #allyship
Continue the Conversation! If this episode resonated with you, share it with another woman who might need this reframe. As always, “It’s not your fault, but it is your problem”
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Monday Apr 06, 2026
Monday Apr 06, 2026
We hear it all the time:
“You’re too busy because you make yourself too busy.”
“It’s your own fault.”
“You just need to learn to say no.”
But what if it’s not that simple?
In this episode, we unpack the uncomfortable truth behind that advice, and why it so often falls flat for women. Saying no isn’t just about willpower or better boundaries. It’s shaped by social expectations, workplace dynamics, and very real consequences.
This is where empathy meets pragmatism.
We move beyond blame and into understanding:
- Why saying no feels so heavy
- The hidden costs women face when they do
- And how to approach boundaries in a way that actually serves you
Because while it’s not your fault that saying no feels hard…
it is your problem to solve if you want to avoid burnout, resentment, and misalignment.
Key Insight: Saying no isn’t just about boundaries, it’s about navigating systems that were never designed with you in mind. So, if it’s not a hell yes, it’s probably a hell no.
Make room for the opportunities that actually move you forward.
💛 Final Thought: You are not failing at boundaries. You are navigating expectations, bias, and systems that make boundaries harder for you to hold.
And once you understand the game…you can start playing it differently.
Continue the Conversation! If this episode resonated with you, share it with another woman who might need this reframe.
Listen, Subscribe, Connect!
Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast
Monday Mar 23, 2026
Monday Mar 23, 2026
What if “overwhelm” isn’t actually the problem?
In this episode, we take a closer look at a word many women use to describe their lives—and challenge what it might be hiding.
Because when women say they’re overwhelmed, it often sounds like a capacity problem…like we simply can’t handle everything on our plates.
But what if the issue isn’t capacity at all?
What if what we’re really experiencing is overfunctioning, quietly carrying more responsibility, more emotional labor, and more invisible work than anyone was meant to sustain?
In this episode, we do what we always do on the Advancing Women Podcast:
we question the narratives, name the invisible systems, and connect personal experiences to the bigger picture.
Because sometimes what feels like a personal struggle… is actually something structural.
In This Episode, We Explore:
- Why the word “overwhelm” can unintentionally place blame on women
- The concept of overfunctioning and how capability becomes expectation
- How being responsible for everything can quietly turn into being blamed for everything
- The role of emotional labor and the mental load in women’s exhaustion
- Why a growth mindset can backfire in systems that depend on overfunctioning
- How “trying harder” often reinforces the very dynamics that are burning women out
- What it really means to reclaim boundarieswithout becoming less capable
Research & Concepts Referenced
This episode draws on a growing body of research around invisible labor and gendered expectations:
- Arlie Hochschild: Emotional labor and the management of feelings and relationships
- Allison Daminger: The “mental load” and the cognitive work of anticipating, planning, and coordinating
- Gemma Hartley: Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward, which explores how women’s invisible labor is normalized, expected, and often undervalued
- Emerging conversations in psychology and coaching around overfunctioning in high-capacity women
- Ferrera, A. (2023). Barbie [Film]. Warner Bros. (Barbie monologue delivered by America Ferrera)
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, try shifting the question. It’s not “What do I need to do better?” But: “What have I been carrying that was never meant to be mine alone?”
The exhaustion many women feel isn’t necessarily a sign of failure. Sometimes it’s a sign that you’ve been holding too much for too long.
And once you can see that pattern, you have the power to interrupt it.
To question the language.
To challenge the narratives.
To stop automatically stepping in when systems quietly assume you will.
Because sometimes the most radical move a capable woman can make…
is refusing to carry what was never hers alone.
And as always, remember: It’s not your fault… but it is your problem.
Continue the Conversation! If this episode resonated with you, share it with another woman who might need this reframe.
Listen, Subscribe, Connect!
Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast
Monday Mar 09, 2026
Monday Mar 09, 2026
When we think about heroes, the names that come to mind are often male. Yes, in history books, but also in everyday pop culture.
From Neo in The Matrix to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars to Harry Potter himself, many of our most celebrated hero narratives center on a single “chosen one”. But when we look more closely at those stories, we often discover something important: heroes rarely stand alone.
In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, in Women’s History Month, we revisit the wizarding world of Harry Potter and shine a light on the women whose courage, intelligence, leadership, and moral conviction helped save the wizarding world.
From Lily Potter’s sacrificial love to Hermione Granger’s strategic brilliance, from Molly Weasley’s fierce protection to Minerva McGonagall’s steadfast leadership, the women of Hogwarts repeatedly demonstrate that heroism takes many forms.
We also explore the courage of Ginny Weasley, who grows into her voice and leadership, the quiet wisdom and authenticity of Luna Lovegood, and the surprising role of Narcissa Malfoy, whose love for her son leads her to defy Voldemort at a pivotal moment.
Together, these characters remind us that the most powerful acts of courage are not always the most visible.
Sometimes heroism looks like sacrifice.
Sometimes it looks like preparation.
Sometimes it looks like standing your ground.
Sometimes it looks like finding your voice.
And sometimes, it looks like simply refusing to stop being yourself.
In the end, the wizarding world may have been saved by the “chosen one”… but he was never the only hero.
Key Takeaway: There are different kinds of courage. Different kinds of leadership. Different kinds of heroism. And when we start to recognize them, we begin to see the extraordinary women who may have been saving the world all along.
Listen if you enjoy:
• Harry Potter analysis
• Women’s leadership stories
• Feminist perspectives on popular culture
• Character-driven storytelling
• Women’s History Month reflections
#HarryPotter #WomenInLeadership #WomensHistoryMonth #WomenWhoLead #advancingwomenpodcst
Let’s Connect:
· Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast
Monday Feb 23, 2026
Monday Feb 23, 2026
February is Black History Month! A time to honor the leadership, scholarship, and activism of African Americans whose contributions have shaped our nation. In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we center and celebrate the Black women whose intellectual and political leadership fundamentally transformed feminism and continue to shape the ongoing work of gender equity.
Too often, the history of the women’s movement highlights figures like Stanton and Anthony while overlooking the central role Black women played in abolition, suffrage, civil rights, and feminist thought. Long before the term intersectionality was coined, Black women were living and articulating the layered realities of racism, sexism, classism, and homophobia.
We begin with the powerful words of Sojourner Truth and her 1851 “Ain’t I a Woman?” speech, and we explore the evolution of the feminist movement through its three waves. We examine how Black feminist thought reshaped and expanded mainstream feminism during the 1960s and 1970s. We honor leaders such as:
- bell hooks, who defined feminism as “a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.”
- Audre Lorde, who reminded us, “I am not free while any woman is unfree.”
- Shirley Chisholm, the first Black woman elected to Congress, whose legacy of being “Unbought and Unbossed” redefined feminist leadership.
- Kimberlé Crenshaw, who coined the term intersectionality and warned that when movements fail to be intersectional, the most vulnerable fall through the cracks.
- Angela Davis, whose lifelong commitment to justice reminds us that equity work is not a moment…it’s a movement.
- Maya Angelou, whose words call us forward: “Take up the battle. It is yours.”
This episode examines why Black feminism is foundational to inclusive leadership, and why intersectionality is essential to advancing women. If we are not intersectional, we are not advancing all women.
If we are not advancing all women, we are not advancing women!
This conversation is about honoring legacy, not just in February, but always. It is about recognizing that the unfinished work of equity requires courage, scholarship, service, and collective responsibility.
Because together, we rise.
If this episode resonated with you, share it with a colleague, a student, or a friend. The work of advancing women requires all of us.
Let’s Connect:
· Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast
Monday Feb 09, 2026
Monday Feb 09, 2026
Episode Summary:
February is the month of love. A time overflowing with hearts, flowers, and grand gestures. Reminders that our worth is somehow tied to being chosen. In this episode, we flip the script. Instead of seeking validation from the world, we explore the radical act of choosing yourself. We dive into:
- How women are conditioned to feel “not enough” and simultaneously “too much” and the toll this double bind takes on our well-being.
- Why self-love and self-acceptance are acts of resistance, not complacency.
- Practical ways to bring self-compassion into daily life, even while pursuing goals and ambitions.
- How rest, doing less, and embracing “good enough” are revolutionary acts in a culture obsessed with more.
Through personal stories, research insights, and reflection prompts, this episode invites you to stop arguing with your worth and start practicing radical self-love right now. Because your worth was never up for debate.
Key Takeaways:
- Self-love is infrastructure, not indulgence. It sustains growth rather than replacing ambition.
- Rest and self-care are revolutionary acts in a culture that equates productivity with value.
- Embracing your cracks, imperfections, and limits allows you to show up fully without sacrificing yourself.
- The mantra “I am enough. I do enough. I have enough.” is not just feel-good talk, it’s a daily practice.
Resources & Links Mentioned in This Episode:
AWP Episode: Warriors Need Love (and Self-Care Too) With Wellness Warrior Erica Golub
AWP Episode: Cracks, Courage, & The Light That Gets In
AWP Episode: Achieving Goals. Mindset, Skillset, Toolset
Quote: "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Budda
Let’s Connect:
Monday Jan 26, 2026
Monday Jan 26, 2026
By late January, many of us have already felt it…the quiet pressure, the creeping doubt, the sense that despite our best intentions, the year may start looking a lot like the last one. If that resonates, this episode is for you. This isn’t about trying harder or setting even bigger goals. It’s about recognizing that you’re not failing your goals…the systems you’ve been given may be failing you.
Inspired by a simple but powerful reminder “If your habits don’t change, you won’t have a new year, just another year” this conversation reframes goal-setting through a systems lens. Drawing on research, coaching practice, and lived experience, we explore why so many women are ambitious, capable, and driven, and still find themselves running into the same barriers year after year.
As James Clear reminds us, “You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” This episode takes that insight seriously, especially in environments shaped by gender bias, unspoken rules, and expectations that were never designed with women in mind.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why goals are rarely the issue, and why systems shape outcomes
- The difference between wanting change and building identity-based habits that sustain it
- How bias shows up in everyday interactions through tone policing, attribution, and narrative control
- Why “fix-the-women” approaches continue to miss the real problem
- How over-apologizing and deflecting credit quietly undermine women’s professional capital
- Why women’s achievements are often attributed to luck, and how to disrupt that pattern
#tunein for a systems approach designed for us
This episode builds on my Four Ps Advancement Model™ A framework I’ve shared previously on the podcast to offer a systems-based approach to women’s advancement that centers reality, not blame. The model focuses on:
- Problems – Identifying the real problem beneath biased framing
- Patterns – Recognizing recurring dynamics that limit progress
- Processes – Clarifying whether the barrier is about mindset, skillset, or toolset
- Proficiencies – Leveraging the “super skills” women develop by navigating inequity
You can hear the full breakdown of the Four Ps in a previous episode, linked here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-4ps-advancement-model/id1569849100?i=1000525495125
Rather than asking women to adapt endlessly to broken systems, this approach helps us respond with intention, interrupt narratives that don’t serve us, and invest our time and energy where it actually leads to impact.
The takeaway: You are not behind. You are not lacking ambition. And you are not doing this alone. We don’t need to be more motivated or more polished, we need systems that acknowledge reality, interrupt bias, and support our goals.
As Admiral Grace Hopper said, “The most dangerous phrase in the English language is: ‘We’ve always done it this way.’” This episode is an invitation to question inherited advice, reject strategies that were never built for us, and design systems that help us move forward together. #tunein #advancingwomenpodcast #podcast #advancingwomen
Reference:
DeSimone 4 Ps Advancement Model™ https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
Let’s Connect:
· Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en
· Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/
· LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/
Monday Jan 12, 2026
Monday Jan 12, 2026
Why do so many women leave conversations feeling confused, guilty, or like everything is somehow their fault?
In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we dive into the subtle but corrosive relational patterns that show up in everyday work and home dynamics. The quiet processes that shift responsibility, distort accountability, and erode self-trust over time.
We explore:
- DARVO” a defensive pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) that flips accountability and turns the person raising concerns into the “problem”
- Gaslighting: not the buzzword, but the researched process that erodes trust in your own perceptions over time, especially in unequal power dynamics
- Fragile accountability: when feedback is experienced as attack, reasonable expectations feel persecutory, and responsibility collapses under discomfort
- Invisible labor: the mental, emotional, and logistical work women disproportionately carry, and how it fuels the “nagging” trap
This episode explains why these dynamics feel so disorienting, how they thrive in gendered systems, and what changes when we finally name them clearly.
If you’ve ever wondered:
- Why you’re always apologizing
- Why accountability conversations go nowhere
- Why you feel responsible without having real authority
This episode offers language, clarity, and release from misplaced guilt.
Key takeaway: You’re not imagining it. These are known patterns. Naming them doesn’t make you difficult, it makes you awake. And clarity is where advancing begins.
Advancing Women Podcast previous episodes referenced in this episode:
Emotional Labor: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/emotional-labor/id1569849100?i=1000531515098
The 4 Ps Advancement Model: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-4ps-advancement-model/id1569849100?i=1000525495125
For more on the 4 Ps Advancement Model: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/
Let’s Connect:
· Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en
· Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/
· LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/
Monday Dec 29, 2025
Monday Dec 29, 2025
Episode Description: Welcome, warriors, to the final episode of the year! In this reflective, heart-centered conversation, we pause to honor everything this year asked of us, explore the importance of choosing ourselves, and set intentions for the year ahead, not as a “new year, new you” exercise, but as an invitation to care for and prioritize ourselves with compassion. We dive into:
- The power of choosing yourself as a practice, with intention
- Why resting, slowing down, and doing less is revolutionary for women
- How perfectionism, “prove-it-again” bias, & societal expectations shape our lives
- Reflections on community, support, and the collective wisdom of the Advancing Women Podcast
Along the way, we revisit some of the year’s most resonant AWP episodes:
- Permission to Pause: Can We Stop Doing and Just Be for a Minute?: Exploring why productivity has become a stand-in for worth and why rest is essential.
- Go Little: Comfort, Joy, and the Art of Doing Less: Redefining success and learning to embrace the meaningfulness of “small” actions and joy.
- There Is a Crack in Everything: That’s How the Light Gets In: Inspired by Leonard Cohen’s lyric and Kintsugi, exploring perfectionism, resilience, and honoring the cracks in our lives.
This episode is a reminder that choosing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. It’s about creating space, breathing room, and radical permission to prioritize your needs and growth. Thank you for walking this journey with me, for being part of our warrior community, and for showing up for yourself and each other.
Episode Highlights / Key Takeaways:
- Choosing yourself is a skill or personality trait. It’s a practice that comes from small, intentional actions.
- Reflection and pausing are just as valuable as action and productivity.
- The cracks in our lives aren’t failures; they are opportunities for growth, wisdom, and light.
- Community matters: you are not alone in navigating all the things…
- Intentions are powerful even if resolutions aren’t perfectly kept; the act of aiming toward growth is what matters.
Let’s Reflect: Take a moment to journal or reflect:
- What does “choosing yourself” look like for you right now?
- Where in your life can you create more space, permission, or breathing room?
- How can you step into the new year with intention, hope, and self-compassion?
Let’s Connect:
Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en
Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/
LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/