Gender equity is not an issue for women to solve alone, it’s for all of us to solve. This episode of the Advancing Women Podcast addresses allyship and what I call the 3A’s of allyship…Acknowledgement, Amplification, and Action.

Allyship must be more than a philosophy or belief…it is a commitment to action. To being an agent of change. It’s about tangible effort and intent to be a part of the solution.

I address the provisions, assurances, and roadmaps to success existing for men as well as the proven barriers that exist which hinder women and why clinging to beliefs of a pure meritocracy in terms of professional advancement impedes our efforts to find solutions that move the needle for women’s advancement.

This conversation is about making the shift from being a philosophical ally to and ally who amplifies, advocates, and acts in both big and small ways that create impact.

References:

Burke, R. J., & Major, D. A. (Eds.). (2014). Gender in Organizations: Are Men Allies or Adversaries to Women s Career Advancement? Edward Elgar Publishing. Northampton MA, USA

https://hbr.org/2016/04/if-theres-only-one-woman-in-your-candidate-pool-theres-statistically-no-chance-shell-be-hired

https://projecthumanities.asu.edu/content/male-privilege-checklist

https://hbr.org/2021/02/male-allyship-is-about-paying-attention

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Somewhere along the line we have found it acceptable to honor mothers one day each year in May, while penalizing them every other day in the workforce. The research data show a very real motherhood penalty exists in the workforce which results in inequity in all aspects of women's careers from the ability to get hired, to evaluations and promotions, to earnings. This contributes to the #genderpaygap.

Gender stereotypes lead to mothers being less likely to be hired for jobs, to be perceived as competent at work, or to be paid as much as their male colleagues with the same qualifications. For men, conversely, having a child is good for their careers. Fathers are MORE likely to be hired than childless men and tend to be paid more after they have children.

Think that this problem no longer exists and that the laws against discrimination have fixed the problem. Think again, research shows they have not. Tune in to the Advancing Women Podcast to hear more about what we must do to address the real problem; gender bias and specifically maternal wall bias and the #motherhood penalty.

Women should not be overlooked, underpaid, and sidelined for daring to procreate!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Reference:

https://alltogether.swe.org/2016/05/paying-the-motherhood-penalty/

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/07/upshot/a-child-helps-your-career-if-youre-a-man.html?_r=0

https://www.thirdway.org/report/the-fatherhood-bonus-and-the-motherhood-penalty-parenthood-and-the-gender-gap-in-pay

https://www.tlnt.com/ending-the-motherhood-penalty/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2019/02/22/the-motherhood-penalty-why-were-losing-our-best-talent-to-caregiving/?sh=582c2aa046e5

https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/motherhood-penalty

https://www.catalyst.org/research-and-tools/

May 2, 2022

Conquering Resistance

Do you ever find yourself working on anything and everything but the thing that you should be working on? This episode addresses resistance. And I have often referred to resistance in my life as the inner saboteur…that voice in the back of your head that gives you all the reasons NOT to act.

This episode is about interrupting procrastination but more importantly, to stop blaming YOURSELF for procrastination, and instead…blame resistance.

Resistance is anything that stops you from taking creative action, including inner fears, negative self-talk ego, and self-doubt. Resistance has one sole mission: to keep things as they are. To maintain the status quo. Resistance will attempt to stop our creative activity through any means necessary, whether it be rationalizing, inspiring fear and anxiety, emphasizing other distractions that require attention, or raising the voice of an inner critic.

This episode is about managing our ego, silencing the inner saboteur, and honing our humility. It’s about learning to recognize resistance when it creeps into our life so we can conquer it and do what needs to be done…to do the things that lead us to our highest purpose and to our best self.

Reference:

Joshua J Anderson https://www.joshuajanderson.com/blog/ego-the-downfall-of-man

Mel Robbins: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Saying-Youre-Fine-Getting/dp/0307716732

Steven Pressfield https://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Winning-Creative-Battle-audio-cd/dp/1501260626

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

April 26, 2022

The JOY of NO (JONO!)

In the last episode of the Advancing Women Podcast I talked about letting go of FOMO (fear of missing out) to make way for JOMO (joy of missing out). This episode addresses why women disproportionately experience fear of missing because of the COST of missing out. I acknowledge and address societal expectations, stereotypes, and gender bias which can unfairly lead to missing out on future opportunities, loss of professional capital, and even lack of promotion. The very real consequences for women that can come from just saying NO. How for women especially, saying no can be so agonizing, and how shifting from FOMO to JOMO requires us to shift from the GUILT of NO to the JOY of NO.

Of all the advice given to women, none has been as oversimplified as the advice to just “say no”. This advice too easily lends itself to a “blame the women” mentality. This “we do it to ourselves” narrative is not only inaccurate, but it also doesn’t serve us.

This is a really great example of empathy meeting pragmatism. Yes, we must learn to say no, but we don’t have to own the blame because it is not ours to own. This episode is chuck full of strategies to help you move from the guilt of no to the joy of no. Creating boundaries that serve us is not something we need to or should apologize for. We must interrupt the social conditioning that doesn’t serve us and get comfortable with the JOY of no so that we you can make space for those hell yeah opportunities coming your way!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

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April 18, 2022

Turn your FOMO into JOMO!

Fear of missing out (FOMO) is the feeling of apprehension that we are not “in the know.” That we're missing out on events, experiences, or life decisions that could make our lives better. The irony is that the exact opposite tends to be true. Studies suggest that FOMO, that fear of missing out, can lead to extreme dissatisfaction and can have a detrimental effect on our physical and mental health.

 And FOMO can be exacerbated by social media which creates a constant, instantaneous window into the lives of others, into seeing all the achievements and high points of others posted daily. And even though we know that social media doesn't give a full and accurate picture of people's lives…even though we get that it's more like a movie trailer or a highlight reel of others good times…that it creates a false reality, it does still impact us, nonetheless.

Enter JOMO – the JOY of missing out. JOMO just may be the direct anecdote to FOMO. It is the joy, the pleasure, rather than regret, derived from living in a quiet or independent way without feeling anxious that we are missing out on exciting or interesting events that may be happening elsewhere.

JOMO can be a purposeful, intentional strategy. It isn’t about lessening our ambition or motivation it's about being motivated to devote our time and energy to things that bring us not only achievement but also joy and balance. Tune in to learn how to turn your FEAR of missing out into the JOY of missing out.

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

References

https://aninjusticemag.com/whom-do-you-love-your-mother-or-her-sacrifices-a951be29f352

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/between-the-lines/fomo/articleshow/62550811.cms

Fajar Kusnadi Kusumah Putra. (2019). Emerging Travel Trends: Joy of Missing Out (JOMO) Vs Iconic Landmarks. Jurnal Pariwisata Terapan, 3(1), 17–33. https://doi.org/10.22146/jpt.49273

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201807/jomo-the-joy-missing-out

https://www.psycom.net/fomo-to-jomo

OK warriors - let me know if this sounds familiar. You go out without your kids and see a friend. They say…”whose got the kids?” Meanwhile, your husband goes out with the kids, and he hears "Awe, it's so nice of you to babysit and give mom a break." Sigh.

Or you’re a mom who works outside the home and are frequently asked “How do you juggle it all?” Conversely, your husband, who also works outside the home is asked that question NEVER. Ever feel frustrated when dads get a pat on the back whenever they are out with the kids, while moms often get judged? (You know, the can’t you control that kid, or can’t you keep that kid quiet look!)? Then this is the episode for you!

This episode explores the deeply rooted gender bias and socialization that results in a “second shift” for moms working outside the home. Just as there is a wage gap between men and women in the workplace, there is a "leisure gap" between them at home. We’ll talk about how questions like can women (but not men) “have it all” not only makes it more difficult for working moms, but it also marginalizes fatherhood. We’ll detangle “having it all” versus being expected to DO it all.

We should all be outraged. Outraged by the low bar and the lower expectations which minimize the incredibly vital role fathers play. We must interrupt that gender biased default because it’s not good for women, it’s not good for men, and it’s not good for families. Being a dad is not a secondary role, it’s a primary one. It's not babysitting when a father spends time caring for his children, it's just called being a dad!

References:

https://www.thelily.com/my-husband-and-i-are-equal-partners-why-does-he-get-so-much-more-credit-for-parenting/

https://www.npr.org/2014/07/08/329804378/why-arent-men-asked-if-they-can-have-it-all

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/

https://www.scarymommy.com/dads-get-more-praise-doing-everyday-things

https://www.tlc.com/parenting/dads-are-happier-than-moms--study-says--but-its-not-that-simple

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

April is autism awareness month. It’s about more than awareness though. It’s about acceptance and appreciation because  awareness isn't nearly enough for our kiddos. It is though…a wonderful place to start when we are talking about the experience of autism moms. Research shows that mothers of children with autism have stress levels comparable to those of combat soldiers. As women, as working mothers, we all have challenges, but while we may all be in the same boat, we are not all in the same storm.

This episode is a salute to all the badass warrior autism moms out there fighting tirelessly every day for their children. It is also for the many friends and family that want to know what they can do. Don’t miss this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast to better understand the experience of autism moms and what you can say and do to show empathy and support.

“No matter how confident we seem, we are scared all the time. No matter how energetic or enthusiastic we seem, we are exhausted all the time. No matter how together we seem, we often feel like we're barely surviving. No matter how easy, we might make it look it is so freaking hard every day.”

 #autismawareness #autismawarenessmonth #autismmom #advancingwomenpodcast #newepisode 
 
Reference:

Twin Cities Mom Collective (March 2022). My Secret World as an Autism Mom. https://twincitiesmom.com/my-secret-world-autism-mom/

Recker, L., & Babcock, E. (2021). Parent/Caregiver Burnout with Autism Due to COVID.

Seltzer, M. M., Greenberg, J. S., Hong, J., Smith, L. E., Almeida, D. M., Coe, C., & Stawski, R. S. (2010). Maternal cortisol levels and behavior problems in adolescents and adults with ASD. Journal of autism and developmental disorders40(4), 457–469. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-009-0887-0

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

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March is Women’s History Month, and it is a time to acknowledge women’s often untold achievements, but also to acknowledge the importance of female narratives and stories in history. French feminist author Simone de Beauvoir famously said “Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with the absolute truth” and so we must continue to push to tell the stories of women, the history of humanity inclusive of women’s perspective to correct both the invisibility and distortion of the female experience in ways relevant to ending women’s unequal social position.

Don’t miss this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast with entrepreneur and historian Maria Blair as she talks about her company No Illusions Tours https://www.noillusionstoursbuffalo.com/ and how she tells the stories of our history through the voice, lived experience, and contributions of remarkable women. When men make history, it’s just called “history.” But when women make history, it’s women’s history which suggests the contributions of women are historic and meaningful only for women. But women’s history is all our history. HERstory is our history.

This episode addresses the invisibility of the experience and stories of women, by women, in our history. Sharing the stories of historic women helps celebrate and honor those women who paved the way, and those who are fighting for women today. And importantly, it serves to create a more complete story of humanity and our history. A history which includes the voice and perspective of women.

To learn more about Maria Blair and No Illusions Tours: https://www.noillusionstoursbuffalo.com/

On Instagram https://www.instagram.com/noillusionstours/

Email: NoIllusionsToursBuffalo@gmail.com Phone: 716-870-7698

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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This episode addresses a problem which has existed for women, since we entered the workforce. A problem that, despite a host of stated commitment and endless implementation of interventions, persists. The gender pay gap. Let’s debunk the myths that continue to perpetuate a narrative that is both incorrect and does not serve women and contributes to gender inequity.

I share data that shows how even after adjusting for years of work experience, industry, and region, men start their careers at higher levels and pay than women and, after starting behind, women often do not catch up. Men move further up the career ladder, they move faster, and are more highly compensated.

There is an abundance of advice offered to women to help “fix” gender inequity, but we need to shift our focus to gender bias in organizational systems that drive that pay gap. This episode addresses the systems, structures, and polices needed to fix the problem. Let’s stop blaming women or trying to fix women. We are not broken! We do not need to be fixed! What we need fixed is the gender pay gap. This episode is about the real problems that need to be fixed, including 1. Affordable and equitable childcare, 2. Gender discrimination and unconscious bias, 3. Socialization, and the shuffling of women into lower paying work, and 4. Same pay for same work (the Paycheck Fairness Act).

To fix the gender pay gap, we need pragmatic solutions that address bias and a long history of inequity and discrimination. That address the practical needs of a diverse, dynamic, 21st century workforce. As American soccer gold medalist Carli Lloyd said “...It’s about doing the right thing, the fair thing. It’s about treating people the way they deserve to be treated, no matter their gender.”

 

Reference:

Fredrickson, C. (2018). The Lingering Wage Gap from Rosie the Riveter to MeToo. Intereconomics, 53(2), 107. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10272-018-0730-y

The Story Behind the World War II “Kilroy was here” https://www.argunners.com/story-world-war-2-kilroy-was-here/

https://now.org/resource/the-gender-pay-gap-myth-vs-fact/

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast:

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Advancing Women Podcast

Despite women’s advancement in the overall workplace, a broken pipeline remains with far too many qualified warrior women not advancing to the top levels. If you have ever felt frustrated when you have done all the things to advance, but still you are passed over, or if you have ever felt like the blame has been placed on your shoulders…that you have deficiencies that need to be “fixed” in order to advance when in reality there are systemic inequities and organizational gender biases and barriers that are holding you back, then THIS is an episode you don’t want to miss.

Leaders and decision makers…you have a choice to make. Do you want to be a defender of the status quo, or an agent of change? Leadership can create positive change and have an impact immediately, if we are willing to walk boldly towards our unconscious bias, acknowledge it, and interrupt bias patterns. Don’t miss this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast to learn more about what you can do to be a part of creating the change we need to level the playing field and foster an equitable workplace culture where we can all thrive.

Reference:

Heilman, M. E. (2012). Gender stereotypes and workplace bias. Research in Organizational Behavior 32, 113-135

Heilman, M. E., & Caleo, S. (2018) Combatting gender discrimination: A lack of fit framework. Group Process and Intergroup Relations, 21(5), 725-744

Wells, J. E., Sartore-Baldwin, M., Walker, N. A., & Gray, C. E. (2020). Stigma consciousness and work outcomes of senior woman administrators: the role of workplace incivility. Journal of Sport Management35(1), 69-80

Williams, J., & Dempsey, R. (2014). What works for women at work? New York, NYU Press

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

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