Advancing Women Podcast

Toxic Positivity versus Mental Contrasting

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we explore toxic positivity; a phenomenon where positivity is used to minimize one’s experience, and how this has been painfully exacerbated because of social media which thrives on toxically optimistic outlooks.

Toxic positivity has perpetuated a brushing over of the real inequities and challenges many women face. With empowerment language forced upon us, there can be a false reality that leaves too many talented, empowered women, confused when our “positive vibes” aren’t enough to transcend very real gender bias and inequity in the workplace. Just as it is not healthy to think overly negative thoughts, exaggeratedly positive thoughts can be equally detrimental!

Enter Mental Contrasting…A far more efficacious approach. Mental contrasting is a technique that can help us achieve our goals by encouraging us to identify barriers and take the necessary steps to address obstacles rather than optimistically assuming that what we want and even deserve will materialize with positive thinking and hard work alone.

Learn more in this episode as we challenge meritocracy myths and topic positivity in favor of strategic approaches that serve women and allow us to transcend and thrive.

Resources

4Ps Advancement Model™ https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/

How Toxic Positivity Took Over the Internet https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/53737/1/how-toxic-positivity-took-over-the-internet

The Meritocracy Myth (iTunes) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-meritocracy-myth/id1569849100?i=1000542761335

The Meritocracy Myth (Spotify) https://open.spotify.com/episode/18xmxu9MsIFtoJbiwyJz9F?si=6e7e6e79c44543bd

Antifragility, Resilience, & Grit (iTunes) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/antifragility-resilience-grit/id1569849100?i=1000538998137

Antifragility, Resilience, & Grit (Spotify) https://open.spotify.com/episode/40YqOqMdFviN7C5l4Ab4y3?si=9e01f62401144ae9

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Let’s Teach Girls Bravery AND Teach Boys Empathy!

In her popular TEDTalk titled Teach Girls Bravery Not Perfection, Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code asserts that we are raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave. Saujani says “I worry about our bravery deficit. The bravery deficit is why women are underrepresented in STEM, C-suites, boardrooms, Congress, and pretty much everywhere you look.”

While I don't disagree that girls and women have been overly socialized to avoid risk, in this episode, I challenge assertions and oversimplifications that perpetuate a fix the women, fix the problem narrative.

Sure. Let's talk about teaching girls and women to be braver, but let's ALSO talk about teaching boys and men to be more empathetic. Where is the complimentary TEDTalk to teach girls bravery, not perfection titled teach boys empathy, not aggression?

This episode of the Advancing Women Podcast addresses the negative consequences of a workplace that disproportionately favors leadership traits like confidence and assertiveness when research shows traits like empathy and interpersonal sensitivity are as, if not more important.

In the face of epic leadership failures, tyrannical leadership, and ethical scandals that have destroyed companies and lives, it’s time to talk about how the workforce and what we value in leaders must change. Less fixing the women, more fixing the problem!

 

Previous Advancing Women Podcast Episodes Referenced in this Episode:

Fear of Failure: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fear-of-failure/id1569849100?i=1000527184290

Tightrope Bias & The Likeability Dilemma: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tightrope-bias-the-likeability-dilemma/id1569849100?i=1000570385546

 

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

 

Resources/Reference:

https://trainingindustry.com/articles/diversity-equity-and-inclusion/women-may-make-better-leaders-than-men-science-shows-feminine-leadership-qualities-that-drive-success/

https://news.usc.edu/30333/When-Stressed-Men-Charge-Ahead-Women-More-Cautious/

https://www.ig.com/en/news-and-trade-ideas/top-10-biggest-corporate-scandals-and-how-they-affected-share-pr-181101

https://www.scarymommy.com/instead-women-apologizing-men-apologize-more

https://hbr.org/2020/04/7-leadership-lessons-men-can-learn-from-women

Living Life to Our Fullest Potential With Margaret Weniger

In a world where high salaries and titles are often considered the pinnacle of success, we can sometimes overlook things like personal happiness, satisfaction, purpose, and reaching our full potential. Winning, collecting the most toys, making the most money, earning the big title, attaining and dominating...that tends to be the language of success. But what if we approach success more holistically? What if we had more conversations about the importance of living life to our fullest potential where we don't have to see success at odds with our happiness, purpose, and wellness? Living life to our fullest potential!

Don’t miss this episode of the advancing women podcast with coach, speaker, and host of Rising Tide Podcast Margaret Weniger. Margaret has interviewed more than 60 top female professionals on her podcast, and she has found that there are five themes that have emerged. Don’t miss this episode where Margaret will share the 5 things successful women are consistently doing that have enabled them to live as the fullest version of themselves.

Learn more about Margaret Weniger and the Rising Tide Podcast here:

TikTok: risingtidepodcast

Instagram: @risingtidepodcast

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/margaretweniger/

Rising Tide Website: https://www.thisisrisingtide.com/

Rising Tide Podcast: Available anywhere people listen to podcasts

Career Crew Blog Article: https://www.thisisrisingtide.com/blog/recipe-for-career-sucess

Learn more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast here:

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Tightrope Bias & The Likeability Dilemma

Have you been called bossy or pushy at work when you were just doing your job? Have you been tough, when necessary, only to be deemed difficult to work for or with? The explanation for this is Tightrope Bias and the Likeability Dilemma.

Research shows that in many workplaces’ women wanting to advance often must take on more “masculine qualities” to get ahead, presenting as more ambitious, assertive, and competitive. Yet we are still expected to maintain our “feminine qualities” of being caring, modest, helpful, and nice. Research also confirms that women who violate stereotypically feminine social norms are often disliked and in turn penalized in their careers for violating gender norms. These inequitable stereotypes and biases result in negative expectations and evaluations of women's performance and potential. It leads women to constantly balance the “tightrope” between being liked and being seen as competent.

We must stop obscuring and downplaying the real penalties women pay for simply doing what they need to do and what men do without penalty to get to the top. The advancing women podcast is where empathy meets pragmatism. It's not our fault, but it is our problem. This episode goes beyond identifying the problem by providing best practice strategies to fix the problem. Don’t miss this episode to learn what we as women can do AND what organizations must do to overcome this workforce barrier.

References:

AWP Episode #35 Sorry Not Sorry: Apologizing, Deflecting, and Undermining (Apple and Spotify Links)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sorry-not-sorry-apologizing-deflecting-and-undermining/id1569849100?i=1000548888371

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4cG6xOdFaTKANila9ZTXn5?si=0e9efd831bb84cd4

AWP Episode #10 The Art & Agony of No (Apple and Spotify Links)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-art-and-agony-of-saying-no/id1569849100?i=1000530813744

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5mKCoN7pVkC9Q5coPELqQm?si=3ee3fae969234c22

AWP Episode #48 The Joy of No (Apple and Spotify Links)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-joy-of-no-jono/id1569849100?i=1000558693948

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5DdQDqg7SahRNWyCqGEoHF?si=9d120e0b16eb4a04

Robin Hauser: The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | TED https://youtu.be/T2I4tus05hI

Williams & Dempsey: What Works for Women at Work

Book: https://nyupress.org/9781479835454/what-works-for-women-at-work/

Video: https://youtu.be/iv8aNdzcvZ0

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Tone Policing, Vocal Fry, & Upspeak

Warrior women, this is an important and timely episode of the Advancing Women Podcast. Our speech, our “tone”, and even the octave of our voice is under attack!

Scrutiny of women’s speaking patterns is the latest frontier in an endless barrage of judgment and undermining women face. It is yet another way to blame women. An attempt to shift the emphasis to fixing women versus doing the hard work of fixing structural, and organizational inequities.

We must see tone policing and commentary about upspeak and vocal fry for what it is. It’s not a peeve that needs to be professionally developed away. It’s not really even about our tone of voice. It’s about power and status, and who is allowed to have it.

Research shows that it is FEMALE vocal fry or up speak that is noticed and criticized. It contributes to negative perceptions of women's BUT NOT MEN’S competence and confidence.

We don’t have to accept the nonsensical ideology that constantly expects women to change. As criticisms mount and gain momentum, we must acknowledge and call out how the workforce keeps adding ridiculous standards for women, finding new ways to suggest deficits and breathe new life into the fix-the-women narrative. We are neither broken nor defective. We don’t need to be fixed.

As always, it’s not your fault, but it is your problem, so don’t miss this episode to learn more about tone policing, upspeak, and vocal fry. As Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said "Women belong in all places where decisions are being made”, and all the gendered, inequitable judgment of our character traits and even of our voices and tone won’t change that fact if WE continue to believe – to KNOW - that we belong!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

Email: drdesimone@advancingwomenpodcast.com

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

References:

Business Inside Men Use Upspeak and Vocal Fry Too (businessinsider.com)

Harvard Annals of Surgery: Women as Deficit: Re-evaluating Interventions to Establish Gender Equity women-as-deficit-re-evaluating-interventions-to.pdf (massgeneral.org)

Mashable (Rachel Thompson) Stop telling women how they should talk | Mashable

NPR From Upspeak To Vocal Fry: Are We 'Policing' Young Women's Voices? : NPR

The Conversation https://theconversation.com/keep-an-eye-on-vocal-fry-its-all-about-power-status-and-gender-45883#:~:text=Vocal%20fry%20is%20a%20distinct,of%20belonging%20in%20that%20tribe

Time https://time.com/5006345/what-is-vocal-fry/

Upworthy https://www.upworthy.com/what-is-vocal-fry-and-why-doesnt-anyone-care-when-men-talk-like-that

Examples of male vocal fry
https://the-toast.net/2015/07/22/examples-of-male-vocal-fry/

Purpose, Embrace Your Calling with author Jessica Huie

If you ask people the purpose of life, a lot of people will say happiness, but I would argue the purpose of life is to find purpose IN life. As Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said “The purpose of life is not to be happy, it is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate. To have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

I am delighted to have author Jessica Huie on the Advancing Women Podcast. Jessica is an author, entrepreneur, and speaker who runs retreats to help people breathe life into their purpose-driven projects and share them with the world through transformational visibility.

Don’t miss this interview where Jessica shares her journey in finding purpose and discusses her book which has been featured on BBC News, CNN Forbes, and The Sunday Times. Jessica was honored with a member of the order of the British Empire for entrepreneurship and her contribution to diversity by Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace and has been called one of Britain’s most inspiring entrepreneurs and one of the UK’s most influential women. As Jessica says “An incredible congruency occurs when we go beyond the intellect and create from our soul. It is the alchemic combination of inspiration and strategy that creates momentum and magic.” Be inspired in this episode to create from your soul, and to find and embrace your purpose, so YOU too can create momentum and magic.

To learn more about Jessica Huie:

Book Link Purpose: Find Your Truth and Embrace Your Calling

https://www.amazon.com/Purpose-Revised-Truth-Embrace-Calling/dp/1401965229/

The Purpose Retreat Jan 9-16th 2023

https://www.jessicahuie.com/events-2/the-purpose-retreat-jamaica-2021/

The Purpose Academy (Starts again in September 2022)

https://www.jessicahuie.com/the-purpose-academy/

To learn more about Dr. Kimberly DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast:

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

The Medical Gaslighting of Women: It’s NOT just in your head!

With guest Leah Noonan

Medical gaslighting is when a healthcare provider dismisses your complaints or concerns. They don't take you seriously or blame your symptoms on a vague cause (such as stress) and often send you home without a proper diagnosis or treatment plan. This is what happened to today’s guest for decades.

We live in a world where  much of the data we have is based on the male experience. As Feminist author Simone de Beauvoir said, “Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with absolute truth.” The data our society collects, and the perspectives prioritized typically favor men’s experience, not women’s. That data then gets used to allocate research funding and resources and to make decisions about healthcare and how things are designed – including medical standards of care and pain medication.

This episode is about how a world designed around male data can be life-threating.

Like having a heart attack go undiagnosed, because studies show women are 50 percent more likely to be misdiagnosed after a heart attack and more likely overall to have their symptoms dismissed by medical providers. How research shows that compared with men, women face longer waits to be diagnosed with cancer and heart disease, are treated less aggressively for traumatic brain injury, and are less likely to be offered pain medications.

While this continues, women will unnecessarily suffer!

Don’t miss this episode where guest Leah Noonan bravely and candidly shares her gut-wrenching story of decades of medical gaslighting and how she took her health into her own hands and finally got the medical treatment she needed.

Reference:

Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for men by Caroline Criado Perez (book)

https://www.northwell.edu/katz-institute-for-womens-health/articles/gaslighting-in-womens-health

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/28/well/live/gaslighting-doctors-patients-health.html

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

One Year Anniversary Episode: It’s Still Not Your Fault!

Today marks the one-year anniversary since I launched the Advancing Women Podcast. That’s 52 consecutive episodes…52 #newepisode Tuesdays!

This episode addresses what I have learned along the way. It’s about transcending the roadblocks, overcoming resistance, fear, imposter syndrome, negative self-talk, and silencing the inner saboteur.

It’s about gratitude, reaching milestones, and bold radical audacious goals. It’s about continuing to hold up to the light, name, challenge, and disrupt the distasteful and inequitable constructs, biases and barriers that keep far too many talented, warrior women from reaching their full potential. \

We talk about how the mantra for the podcast…how my “WHY” hasn’t changed. It’s where empathy meets pragmatism. In my first episode I said “it’s not your fault, but it is your problem”. Let’s talk about how it is STILL NOT YOUR FAULT, but it IS still your problem – here’s to 54 more episodes to address and transcend.

We will continue to address the unique limitations, biases, barriers and obstacles that women face and to interrupt and disrupt the barriers and stereotypical beliefs that keep talented ambitious go getter women like yourselves from advancing in your lives but importantly to positions of power pay and prestige because this podcast is about helping women claim their rightful seat at the table.

References

Episode #1 of the Advancing Women Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-your-fault-but-it-is-your-problem/id1569849100?i=1000523414978

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

The 3As of Allyship (Acknowledge, Amplify, Act)

Gender equity is not an issue for women to solve alone, it’s for all of us to solve. This episode of the Advancing Women Podcast addresses allyship and what I call the 3A’s of allyship…Acknowledgement, Amplification, and Action.

Allyship must be more than a philosophy or belief…it is a commitment to action. To being an agent of change. It’s about tangible effort and intent to be a part of the solution.

I address the provisions, assurances, and roadmaps to success existing for men as well as the proven barriers that exist which hinder women and why clinging to beliefs of a pure meritocracy in terms of professional advancement impedes our efforts to find solutions that move the needle for women’s advancement.

This conversation is about making the shift from being a philosophical ally to and ally who amplifies, advocates, and acts in both big and small ways that create impact.

References:

Burke, R. J., & Major, D. A. (Eds.). (2014). Gender in Organizations: Are Men Allies or Adversaries to Women s Career Advancement? Edward Elgar Publishing. Northampton MA, USA

https://hbr.org/2016/04/if-theres-only-one-woman-in-your-candidate-pool-theres-statistically-no-chance-shell-be-hired

https://projecthumanities.asu.edu/content/male-privilege-checklist

https://hbr.org/2021/02/male-allyship-is-about-paying-attention

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

The Motherhood Penalty

Somewhere along the line we have found it acceptable to honor mothers one day each year in May, while penalizing them every other day in the workforce. The research data show a very real motherhood penalty exists in the workforce which results in inequity in all aspects of women's careers from the ability to get hired, to evaluations and promotions, to earnings. This contributes to the #genderpaygap.

Gender stereotypes lead to mothers being less likely to be hired for jobs, to be perceived as competent at work, or to be paid as much as their male colleagues with the same qualifications. For men, conversely, having a child is good for their careers. Fathers are MORE likely to be hired than childless men and tend to be paid more after they have children.

Think that this problem no longer exists and that the laws against discrimination have fixed the problem. Think again, research shows they have not. Tune in to the Advancing Women Podcast to hear more about what we must do to address the real problem; gender bias and specifically maternal wall bias and the #motherhood penalty.

Women should not be overlooked, underpaid, and sidelined for daring to procreate!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Reference:

https://alltogether.swe.org/2016/05/paying-the-motherhood-penalty/

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/07/upshot/a-child-helps-your-career-if-youre-a-man.html?_r=0

https://www.thirdway.org/report/the-fatherhood-bonus-and-the-motherhood-penalty-parenthood-and-the-gender-gap-in-pay

https://www.tlnt.com/ending-the-motherhood-penalty/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2019/02/22/the-motherhood-penalty-why-were-losing-our-best-talent-to-caregiving/?sh=582c2aa046e5

https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/motherhood-penalty

https://www.catalyst.org/research-and-tools/