Advancing Women Podcast

Tightrope Bias & The Likeability Dilemma

Have you been called bossy or pushy at work when you were just doing your job? Have you been tough, when necessary, only to be deemed difficult to work for or with? The explanation for this is Tightrope Bias and the Likeability Dilemma.

Research shows that in many workplaces’ women wanting to advance often must take on more “masculine qualities” to get ahead, presenting as more ambitious, assertive, and competitive. Yet we are still expected to maintain our “feminine qualities” of being caring, modest, helpful, and nice. Research also confirms that women who violate stereotypically feminine social norms are often disliked and in turn penalized in their careers for violating gender norms. These inequitable stereotypes and biases result in negative expectations and evaluations of women's performance and potential. It leads women to constantly balance the “tightrope” between being liked and being seen as competent.

We must stop obscuring and downplaying the real penalties women pay for simply doing what they need to do and what men do without penalty to get to the top. The advancing women podcast is where empathy meets pragmatism. It's not our fault, but it is our problem. This episode goes beyond identifying the problem by providing best practice strategies to fix the problem. Don’t miss this episode to learn what we as women can do AND what organizations must do to overcome this workforce barrier.

References:

AWP Episode #35 Sorry Not Sorry: Apologizing, Deflecting, and Undermining (Apple and Spotify Links)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sorry-not-sorry-apologizing-deflecting-and-undermining/id1569849100?i=1000548888371

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4cG6xOdFaTKANila9ZTXn5?si=0e9efd831bb84cd4

AWP Episode #10 The Art & Agony of No (Apple and Spotify Links)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-art-and-agony-of-saying-no/id1569849100?i=1000530813744

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5mKCoN7pVkC9Q5coPELqQm?si=3ee3fae969234c22

AWP Episode #48 The Joy of No (Apple and Spotify Links)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-joy-of-no-jono/id1569849100?i=1000558693948

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5DdQDqg7SahRNWyCqGEoHF?si=9d120e0b16eb4a04

Robin Hauser: The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | TED https://youtu.be/T2I4tus05hI

Williams & Dempsey: What Works for Women at Work

Book: https://nyupress.org/9781479835454/what-works-for-women-at-work/

Video: https://youtu.be/iv8aNdzcvZ0

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Tone Policing, Vocal Fry, & Upspeak

Warrior women, this is an important and timely episode of the Advancing Women Podcast. Our speech, our “tone”, and even the octave of our voice is under attack!

Scrutiny of women’s speaking patterns is the latest frontier in an endless barrage of judgment and undermining women face. It is yet another way to blame women. An attempt to shift the emphasis to fixing women versus doing the hard work of fixing structural, and organizational inequities.

We must see tone policing and commentary about upspeak and vocal fry for what it is. It’s not a peeve that needs to be professionally developed away. It’s not really even about our tone of voice. It’s about power and status, and who is allowed to have it.

Research shows that it is FEMALE vocal fry or up speak that is noticed and criticized. It contributes to negative perceptions of women's BUT NOT MEN’S competence and confidence.

We don’t have to accept the nonsensical ideology that constantly expects women to change. As criticisms mount and gain momentum, we must acknowledge and call out how the workforce keeps adding ridiculous standards for women, finding new ways to suggest deficits and breathe new life into the fix-the-women narrative. We are neither broken nor defective. We don’t need to be fixed.

As always, it’s not your fault, but it is your problem, so don’t miss this episode to learn more about tone policing, upspeak, and vocal fry. As Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said "Women belong in all places where decisions are being made”, and all the gendered, inequitable judgment of our character traits and even of our voices and tone won’t change that fact if WE continue to believe – to KNOW - that we belong!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

Email: drdesimone@advancingwomenpodcast.com

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

References:

Business Inside Men Use Upspeak and Vocal Fry Too (businessinsider.com)

Harvard Annals of Surgery: Women as Deficit: Re-evaluating Interventions to Establish Gender Equity women-as-deficit-re-evaluating-interventions-to.pdf (massgeneral.org)

Mashable (Rachel Thompson) Stop telling women how they should talk | Mashable

NPR From Upspeak To Vocal Fry: Are We 'Policing' Young Women's Voices? : NPR

The Conversation https://theconversation.com/keep-an-eye-on-vocal-fry-its-all-about-power-status-and-gender-45883#:~:text=Vocal%20fry%20is%20a%20distinct,of%20belonging%20in%20that%20tribe

Time https://time.com/5006345/what-is-vocal-fry/

Upworthy https://www.upworthy.com/what-is-vocal-fry-and-why-doesnt-anyone-care-when-men-talk-like-that

Examples of male vocal fry
https://the-toast.net/2015/07/22/examples-of-male-vocal-fry/

Purpose, Embrace Your Calling with author Jessica Huie

If you ask people the purpose of life, a lot of people will say happiness, but I would argue the purpose of life is to find purpose IN life. As Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said “The purpose of life is not to be happy, it is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate. To have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

I am delighted to have author Jessica Huie on the Advancing Women Podcast. Jessica is an author, entrepreneur, and speaker who runs retreats to help people breathe life into their purpose-driven projects and share them with the world through transformational visibility.

Don’t miss this interview where Jessica shares her journey in finding purpose and discusses her book which has been featured on BBC News, CNN Forbes, and The Sunday Times. Jessica was honored with a member of the order of the British Empire for entrepreneurship and her contribution to diversity by Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace and has been called one of Britain’s most inspiring entrepreneurs and one of the UK’s most influential women. As Jessica says “An incredible congruency occurs when we go beyond the intellect and create from our soul. It is the alchemic combination of inspiration and strategy that creates momentum and magic.” Be inspired in this episode to create from your soul, and to find and embrace your purpose, so YOU too can create momentum and magic.

To learn more about Jessica Huie:

Book Link Purpose: Find Your Truth and Embrace Your Calling

https://www.amazon.com/Purpose-Revised-Truth-Embrace-Calling/dp/1401965229/

The Purpose Retreat Jan 9-16th 2023

https://www.jessicahuie.com/events-2/the-purpose-retreat-jamaica-2021/

The Purpose Academy (Starts again in September 2022)

https://www.jessicahuie.com/the-purpose-academy/

To learn more about Dr. Kimberly DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast:

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

The Medical Gaslighting of Women: It’s NOT just in your head!

With guest Leah Noonan

Medical gaslighting is when a healthcare provider dismisses your complaints or concerns. They don't take you seriously or blame your symptoms on a vague cause (such as stress) and often send you home without a proper diagnosis or treatment plan. This is what happened to today’s guest for decades.

We live in a world where  much of the data we have is based on the male experience. As Feminist author Simone de Beauvoir said, “Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with absolute truth.” The data our society collects, and the perspectives prioritized typically favor men’s experience, not women’s. That data then gets used to allocate research funding and resources and to make decisions about healthcare and how things are designed – including medical standards of care and pain medication.

This episode is about how a world designed around male data can be life-threating.

Like having a heart attack go undiagnosed, because studies show women are 50 percent more likely to be misdiagnosed after a heart attack and more likely overall to have their symptoms dismissed by medical providers. How research shows that compared with men, women face longer waits to be diagnosed with cancer and heart disease, are treated less aggressively for traumatic brain injury, and are less likely to be offered pain medications.

While this continues, women will unnecessarily suffer!

Don’t miss this episode where guest Leah Noonan bravely and candidly shares her gut-wrenching story of decades of medical gaslighting and how she took her health into her own hands and finally got the medical treatment she needed.

Reference:

Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for men by Caroline Criado Perez (book)

https://www.northwell.edu/katz-institute-for-womens-health/articles/gaslighting-in-womens-health

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/28/well/live/gaslighting-doctors-patients-health.html

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

One Year Anniversary Episode: It’s Still Not Your Fault!

Today marks the one-year anniversary since I launched the Advancing Women Podcast. That’s 52 consecutive episodes…52 #newepisode Tuesdays!

This episode addresses what I have learned along the way. It’s about transcending the roadblocks, overcoming resistance, fear, imposter syndrome, negative self-talk, and silencing the inner saboteur.

It’s about gratitude, reaching milestones, and bold radical audacious goals. It’s about continuing to hold up to the light, name, challenge, and disrupt the distasteful and inequitable constructs, biases and barriers that keep far too many talented, warrior women from reaching their full potential. \

We talk about how the mantra for the podcast…how my “WHY” hasn’t changed. It’s where empathy meets pragmatism. In my first episode I said “it’s not your fault, but it is your problem”. Let’s talk about how it is STILL NOT YOUR FAULT, but it IS still your problem – here’s to 54 more episodes to address and transcend.

We will continue to address the unique limitations, biases, barriers and obstacles that women face and to interrupt and disrupt the barriers and stereotypical beliefs that keep talented ambitious go getter women like yourselves from advancing in your lives but importantly to positions of power pay and prestige because this podcast is about helping women claim their rightful seat at the table.

References

Episode #1 of the Advancing Women Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-your-fault-but-it-is-your-problem/id1569849100?i=1000523414978

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

The 3As of Allyship (Acknowledge, Amplify, Act)

Gender equity is not an issue for women to solve alone, it’s for all of us to solve. This episode of the Advancing Women Podcast addresses allyship and what I call the 3A’s of allyship…Acknowledgement, Amplification, and Action.

Allyship must be more than a philosophy or belief…it is a commitment to action. To being an agent of change. It’s about tangible effort and intent to be a part of the solution.

I address the provisions, assurances, and roadmaps to success existing for men as well as the proven barriers that exist which hinder women and why clinging to beliefs of a pure meritocracy in terms of professional advancement impedes our efforts to find solutions that move the needle for women’s advancement.

This conversation is about making the shift from being a philosophical ally to and ally who amplifies, advocates, and acts in both big and small ways that create impact.

References:

Burke, R. J., & Major, D. A. (Eds.). (2014). Gender in Organizations: Are Men Allies or Adversaries to Women s Career Advancement? Edward Elgar Publishing. Northampton MA, USA

https://hbr.org/2016/04/if-theres-only-one-woman-in-your-candidate-pool-theres-statistically-no-chance-shell-be-hired

https://projecthumanities.asu.edu/content/male-privilege-checklist

https://hbr.org/2021/02/male-allyship-is-about-paying-attention

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

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The Motherhood Penalty

Somewhere along the line we have found it acceptable to honor mothers one day each year in May, while penalizing them every other day in the workforce. The research data show a very real motherhood penalty exists in the workforce which results in inequity in all aspects of women's careers from the ability to get hired, to evaluations and promotions, to earnings. This contributes to the #genderpaygap.

Gender stereotypes lead to mothers being less likely to be hired for jobs, to be perceived as competent at work, or to be paid as much as their male colleagues with the same qualifications. For men, conversely, having a child is good for their careers. Fathers are MORE likely to be hired than childless men and tend to be paid more after they have children.

Think that this problem no longer exists and that the laws against discrimination have fixed the problem. Think again, research shows they have not. Tune in to the Advancing Women Podcast to hear more about what we must do to address the real problem; gender bias and specifically maternal wall bias and the #motherhood penalty.

Women should not be overlooked, underpaid, and sidelined for daring to procreate!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Reference:

https://alltogether.swe.org/2016/05/paying-the-motherhood-penalty/

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/07/upshot/a-child-helps-your-career-if-youre-a-man.html?_r=0

https://www.thirdway.org/report/the-fatherhood-bonus-and-the-motherhood-penalty-parenthood-and-the-gender-gap-in-pay

https://www.tlnt.com/ending-the-motherhood-penalty/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2019/02/22/the-motherhood-penalty-why-were-losing-our-best-talent-to-caregiving/?sh=582c2aa046e5

https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/motherhood-penalty

https://www.catalyst.org/research-and-tools/

Conquering Resistance

Do you ever find yourself working on anything and everything but the thing that you should be working on? This episode addresses resistance. And I have often referred to resistance in my life as the inner saboteur…that voice in the back of your head that gives you all the reasons NOT to act.

This episode is about interrupting procrastination but more importantly, to stop blaming YOURSELF for procrastination, and instead…blame resistance.

Resistance is anything that stops you from taking creative action, including inner fears, negative self-talk ego, and self-doubt. Resistance has one sole mission: to keep things as they are. To maintain the status quo. Resistance will attempt to stop our creative activity through any means necessary, whether it be rationalizing, inspiring fear and anxiety, emphasizing other distractions that require attention, or raising the voice of an inner critic.

This episode is about managing our ego, silencing the inner saboteur, and honing our humility. It’s about learning to recognize resistance when it creeps into our life so we can conquer it and do what needs to be done…to do the things that lead us to our highest purpose and to our best self.

Reference:

Joshua J Anderson https://www.joshuajanderson.com/blog/ego-the-downfall-of-man

Mel Robbins: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Saying-Youre-Fine-Getting/dp/0307716732

Steven Pressfield https://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Winning-Creative-Battle-audio-cd/dp/1501260626

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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The JOY of NO (JONO!)

In the last episode of the Advancing Women Podcast I talked about letting go of FOMO (fear of missing out) to make way for JOMO (joy of missing out). This episode addresses why women disproportionately experience fear of missing because of the COST of missing out. I acknowledge and address societal expectations, stereotypes, and gender bias which can unfairly lead to missing out on future opportunities, loss of professional capital, and even lack of promotion. The very real consequences for women that can come from just saying NO. How for women especially, saying no can be so agonizing, and how shifting from FOMO to JOMO requires us to shift from the GUILT of NO to the JOY of NO.

Of all the advice given to women, none has been as oversimplified as the advice to just “say no”. This advice too easily lends itself to a “blame the women” mentality. This “we do it to ourselves” narrative is not only inaccurate, but it also doesn’t serve us.

This is a really great example of empathy meeting pragmatism. Yes, we must learn to say no, but we don’t have to own the blame because it is not ours to own. This episode is chuck full of strategies to help you move from the guilt of no to the joy of no. Creating boundaries that serve us is not something we need to or should apologize for. We must interrupt the social conditioning that doesn’t serve us and get comfortable with the JOY of no so that we you can make space for those hell yeah opportunities coming your way!

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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Turn your FOMO into JOMO!

Fear of missing out (FOMO) is the feeling of apprehension that we are not “in the know.” That we're missing out on events, experiences, or life decisions that could make our lives better. The irony is that the exact opposite tends to be true. Studies suggest that FOMO, that fear of missing out, can lead to extreme dissatisfaction and can have a detrimental effect on our physical and mental health.

 And FOMO can be exacerbated by social media which creates a constant, instantaneous window into the lives of others, into seeing all the achievements and high points of others posted daily. And even though we know that social media doesn't give a full and accurate picture of people's lives…even though we get that it's more like a movie trailer or a highlight reel of others good times…that it creates a false reality, it does still impact us, nonetheless.

Enter JOMO – the JOY of missing out. JOMO just may be the direct anecdote to FOMO. It is the joy, the pleasure, rather than regret, derived from living in a quiet or independent way without feeling anxious that we are missing out on exciting or interesting events that may be happening elsewhere.

JOMO can be a purposeful, intentional strategy. It isn’t about lessening our ambition or motivation it's about being motivated to devote our time and energy to things that bring us not only achievement but also joy and balance. Tune in to learn how to turn your FEAR of missing out into the JOY of missing out.

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

References

https://aninjusticemag.com/whom-do-you-love-your-mother-or-her-sacrifices-a951be29f352

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/between-the-lines/fomo/articleshow/62550811.cms

Fajar Kusnadi Kusumah Putra. (2019). Emerging Travel Trends: Joy of Missing Out (JOMO) Vs Iconic Landmarks. Jurnal Pariwisata Terapan, 3(1), 17–33. https://doi.org/10.22146/jpt.49273

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201807/jomo-the-joy-missing-out

https://www.psycom.net/fomo-to-jomo