Advancing Women Podcast

Sorry not sorry: Apologizing, Deflecting, and Undermining

Sometimes growth is about unlearning. Apologizing when we have done something wrong is a real strength, but compulsive apologizing can present as a weakness at work and in personal relationships. Research shows women apologize often and deflect praise in ways that can undermine our ambition.

This episode is NOT about shirking responsibility when we've done something wrong! It IS about ensuring that we don’t undermine or erode our authority by over apologizing, especially when we’ve done nothing wrong.

And the other side of that undermining coin is deflecting compliments. Research shows that women’s accomplishments are often undervalued, and our mistakes are more noticed and remembered, so we don’t want to contribute to the inequity deflecting attention from our accomplishments.

This episode speaks to the mindset shift and the skillset and toolset nuances that can have an impact on how our commentary will be received. We can develop habits that interrupt the biases and inequities that negatively and disproportionately impact women when we are intentional, mindful, and strategic in our communication.

Let’s continue to focus on mindset, skillset, and toolset changes that help interrupt a status quo that doesn't serve women’s success and create systems that help us transcend barriers and thrive. Learn how to shift from subtle undermining habits to habits that serve us…habits we can implement every day in small ways that can add up.

References:

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Pantene ad (“Sorry not sorry”) https://youtu.be/TcGKxLJ4ZGI

Tightrope Bias (Williams & Dempsey, 2014) https://www.abajournal.com/magazine/article/4_common_patterns_of_bias_that_women_face_at_work_and_how_you_can_correct_t

https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolinecastrillon/2019/07/14/how-women-can-stop-apologizing-and-take-their-power-back/?sh=403632454ce6

Achieving Goals: Mindset, Skillset, Toolset

In continuing with our January focus of transcending barriers and achieving goals this episode is all about success systems and how to assess and strengthen our mindset, skillset, and toolset.

“You do not rise to the level of your goals, but you fall to the level of your systems” (James Clear, 2018, Atomic Habits). Too often we spend a lot of time creating and focusing on goals, when what we really need to do is to focus on the systems necessary to achieve the goal.

Research confirms many unique barriers that we as women encounter that are systemic, organizational biases…not our fault, but definitely our problem! So, we need to be especially mindful of creating intentional, actionable, steps, engaging in a strategic process that disrupt the bias patterns that create barriers to achieving our bold, radical, audacious goals.

Forewarned is forearmed. Identifying the problem and considering solutions WITH EYES WIDE OPEN provides the clarity we need to be proactive. When we see the patterns of bias in the situation, we can respond in a way that better serve our advancement. This is the “Process” P in the 4 Ps Advancement Model. When we see the barriers, we must use process to deconstruct the moving parts so we can clearly and accurately see whether this is a mindset, skillset, or tool set problem and respond accordingly.

This episode will help answer these important questions when we encounter barriers: What is the real problem here? Is this about shifting my mindset? Is it about enhancing my skill set? Do I need to add to my tool set? Achieving goals is about what you think (mindset), what you know (skillset), and what you do (toolset).

Reference:

The 4Ps Advancement Model (Problem/Pattern/Process/Proficiency)

Problem: Identify the problem. How is the identified problem situated within the larger social/organizational/cultural constructs?

Pattern Recognition: Identify pattern: antecedents/barriers/fallacies.

Process: Disrupt bias patterns utilizing the TKD™ Process.

Proficiency: Manifest Super skills, Capitalize on capabilities.

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/

https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Accountability Partnerships

What is an accountability partner? Why do you need one? How do you find one?

Check out this week’s episode where we talk about the qualities that are essential in an accountability partner and how accountability partnerships can be the very thing you need to keep those New Years Resolutions and to achieve your bold, radical, audacious goals.

Accountability is a skill which can be developed, but it is important to put the right systems in place. Too often as women, we deprioritize or subordinate our needs and our goals to others and an accountability partner can help. Accountability partnership is about cultivating a tribe of trusted warriors who believe in you, who have your back, who challenge you, and who push you to achieve your goals. An accountability partner will have your best interests at heart and will give it to you straight when you start to question or doubt what you are capable of.

This episode is all about creating systems and adding to the tools you need to achieve your goals and to do so with consistency and commitment.

 

Resources/Reference:

Advancing Women Podcast Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

AWP Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

AWP Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

 

My Warrior Coaches:

Denette Suddeth: https://suddethinc.com/

Lisa Gillette: https://bigsky.coach/womens-executive-coaching/

https://medium.com/@MaryLouWrites/accountability-partners-what-are-they-and-how-do-i-get-some-c5ebd1a828ef

Bold Radical Audacious Goals (B.R.A.G)

The new year is often a time for resolutions, and I would argue a time for bold, radical, audacious goals. What if brag - this year - wasn't something we see or do on social media, but rather that for 2022 brag could be an acronym for bold, radical, audacious goals.

Bold: of a person action or idea, showing an ability to take risks. Confident and courageous. This episode addresses how we must interrupt the negative external forces that erode confidence and courage.

Radical: of change or action relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something. Who better to be “radical”…to change the fundamental nature than warrior women? The constant struggle we as women face doing things differently…in a way that benefits US…is by definition…a radical act.

“The process of trying to assimilate into an existing category in many ways runs counter to efforts to produce radical or revolutionary results” ~ Angela Davis

Audacious: showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks. This episode addresses risk and fear of failure, for women, in its full complexity. We’ll address how to proactively identify the unique obstacles that women encounter so we can transcend and thrive.

Goal: the object of a person's ambition or effort, an aim or desired result. This episode explores the best practice advice on goals and goalsetting, but of course, here at the advancing women podcast, we challenge that best practice advice when it is oversimplified creating narratives that don't serve women's success and advancement.

Warriors, lets create those big, radical, audacious goals and with confidence that the universe will conspire to help you achieve your goals. Don't wait. Be bold, be radical, and be audacious with your goals…you've got this!

“And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it” (Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist)

Reference:

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

The 4Ps Advancement Model https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

That’s What She Said!

In last week’s episode I talked about calmness, harmony, comfort, and joy during the holiday season. This week though, as we wrap up 2021, many of us are shifting our mindset. It is the season of setting resolutions, a time for setting goals. A time to be inspired!

So, in this episode we’ll ring in 2022 with words of wisdom from 22 powerful, brilliant, and inspiring women. Their poignant quotes provide lasting insight and inspiration for all women as we continue to work towards, and demand, gender equity for all.

These quotes and the resulting discussion come from a variety of women including women of color, women from the LGBTQ community, and women from countries across the globe. The quotes go as far back as the 1700s through current day. This is about the voice and inspiration of ALL women.

From Abigail Adams, Susan B. Anthony and Lucrecia Mott to Gloria Steinem, Alice Walker, and Audre Lorde, to Doria Shafik, Raicho Hiratsuka, and Simone de Beauvoir to Maya Angelou and Emma Watson – you won’t want to miss this inspiration and insight FROM warrior women, FOR warrior women.

Advancing Women Podcast Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast

Email: drdesimone@advancingwomenpodcast.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Tidings of Comfort & Joy

In the winter nature rests. Yes…even Mother Nature rests in the winter. Nature is resting, sleeping, taking it easy – it’s not worrying about blooming – it’s just being. We need to take a lesson from mother nature. For most women…we get busier…much busier in the winter. We feel more stressed with all the holiday prep that so disproportionately drains women of our time and our calm. Of our comfort and our joy.

Too often we as women subordinate our comfort and joy for others. We feel like if we don’t do the things…all  the things…others will have less, be disappointed, things will fall through the cracks…so we do everything in our power to mediate that. At great personal cost to our comfort and joy. WE, YOU, are worthy of comfort and joy. Especially this time of year.

So, this episode is focused on YOUR comfort and joy. For how much you consistently care and do for others, you deserve some ease, pleasure, and happiness. Sometimes that takes being intentional in terms of our mindset and our actions. Learn more this episode about the Danish practice of Hygge (coziness & comfort) and the art of joyful living. You my warrior friends are deserving of comfort and joy.

Resources:

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Books & Articles:

Joyful: The surprising power of ordinary things to create extraordinary happiness by Ingrid Fetell Lee

The Joy of Less: A Minimalist Guide to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify

The Year of Living Danishly: Uncovering the Secrets of the World's Happiest Country by Helen Russell

The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living by Meik Wiking 

The HYGGE manifesto https://medium.com/10-bullets-100-words-book-summary/10-bullets-100-words-book-the-little-book-of-hygge-by-meik-wiking-3656e2b8035c

Tug of War Bias, Tokenism & Queen Bee Syndrome

Bias against women creates conflict among women. If there is only one slot for one woman to advance (tokenism) women, of course will feel like they must compete against each other. This is just one example of how gender bias in the environment fuels conflict among women.

With so much of the social media messaging focusing on women empowering women and women supporting women, how do we explain Queen Bee Syndrome – that phenomenon where high ranking women in positions of authority treat the women who work below them more critically than their male counterparts and even that they can oppose or hinder the advancement of other women.

This episode addresses these difficult issues and identifies the biases that contribute to it. What do lobsters in a boiling pot of water have to do with women’s advancement – find out in this episode and learn what we can do to interrupt bias patterns that don’t serve us.

We challenge the narratives that perpetuate the image of women being difficult to work for or with or out of place in senior leadership roles. Narratives that preserve a gendered status quo that just does not work for women. Finally, we discuss what organizations need can do to interrupt Tug of War Bias patterns and reward the behaviors that create supportive environments and keep Queen Bee Syndrome at bay.

Maya Angelou famously said do your best until you know better than do better. That really sums up the purpose of the #advancingwomenpodcast. That more of us can KNOW…and that knowing will help us all DO better.

Learn more at https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Email me to share ideas or feedback @ drdesimone@advancingwomenpodcast.com

Connect on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Connect of Facebook https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Gender Inequity: It’s not your fault but it is your problem ©

Imposter Syndrome

Women in the workforce, consistently report a very real sense of disparity and otherness. But it’s more than just otherness, we have problematized and even pathologized women to individualize the reasons for gender inequity. Blame the women…Fix the women…rather than address the societal, cultural, and organizational norms that create the barriers.

And one of these problems women are constantly told WE must fix is Imposter Syndrome. This episode addresses the three main themes in the imposter syndrome: 1. Not believing you deserve the success you have achieved. 2. A feeling of fraudulence about that success. 3. A feeling of dread that you will be “found out”. But we will also consider context when we are discussing imposter syndrome. Although research has shown that both men and women can experience the phenomenon – it is women, who tend to be the focus of the advice, workshops, books, and professional development initiatives aimed at overcoming the problem.

It is unfair to make this a women problem, BUT we should consider how women and persons of color disproportionately experience many workforce biases that HAVE contributed to the problem. Research shows that imposter syndrome is magnified by societal and organizational influences, and it is creating a culture of belonging rather than fixing women that is needed.

Organizations need to “lean in” to creating true belonging and rethinking organizational "fit". When we as women feel imposter syndrome it isn’t inherent to our gender it is amplified by the many biases we talk about here at the Advancing Women Podcast: stereotype threat, ideal worker norms, prescriptive gender stereotypes, think leader think male bias, tightrope bias, prove it again bias, in group/out group bias, and lack of fit, all which create the feelings of lack of belonging that perpetuate imposter syndrome. As Tulshyan and Burey note in their Harvard Business Review Article Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome “Imposter syndrome directs our view toward fixing women at work instead of fixing the places where women work.” In short, more focus on fixing the structural and organizational problems, less focus on fixing the women. #impostersyndrome #genderequity

“It’s not your fault, but it is your problem” ©

Learn more at my website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Reference:

https://www.ted.com/talks/jodi_ann_burey_the_myth_of_bringing_your_full_authentic_self_to_work?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome

Powerful Women Unite: Rise of the “Sheconomy”

Tis the season…to flex your consumer power and help support women and women’s advancement. This episode encourages us all to think intentionally and strategically about the choices we make with our dollars and how our choices can impact gender equity.

We talk about the inequities women face in every episode of the Advancing Women Podcasts and an important part of that conversation is the economic consequences women face because of those workplace inequities. We also talk about a gendered power differential that exists unfairly in most public and professional domains...but there is one domain where women indisputably hold a great deal of power. Consumer power. The “Sheconomy”.

Women make up half of the U.S. population, but control or influence 85% of consumer spending and so we need to think strategically and intentionally about how our considerable consumer power can encourage - demand even- that companies think differently about prioritizing gender equity to help close the gender leadership gap.

Learn how to invest in women, and support women by pushing for corporate social responsibility in an intentional way which demands – with our dollars – that companies get on board or suffer the economic consequences of not doing right by women. #togetherwerise #supportwomen #sheconomy #womensupportingwomen #supportwomenentrepreneurs #supportwomeninbusiness

Gender Diversity Index https://www.equilar.com/reports/74-q1-2020-equilar-gender-diversity-index.html

https://www.workingmother.com/working-mother-100-best-companies-2020

https://www.nbcnews.com/select/amp/ncna1260044

The Meritocracy Myth

Everyone loves the idea of a level playing field. This expectation of fair competition underlies assumptions that the workforce is a meritocracy. A meritocracy is a system in which power, growth and advancement are vested in individual people based solely on talent, effort, and achievement…that advancement in such a system is based solely on performance as measured through objective criteria and demonstrated achievement. 

Meritocracy principles are built on assumptions that evaluations in the workforce are objective, but we know that as humans we are NOT capable of being completely objective. And if we know that, we can be realistic about the limitations of meritocracy principles in organizations where much of our evaluation in hiring and promoting is NOT based on purely objective criteria, despite our utopian belief and desire for this to be the case.

This episode holds the idea of meritocracy and women’s advancement up the scrutiny of the scientific knowledge of human behavior, biases and blind spots and the erroneous assumptions that guide meritocratic ideologies which ultimately serve to hinder women’s advancement.

Meritocracy can lead to framing the bias against, and resulting exclusion of, women in top-level positions of power pay and prestige as a failure to measure up. It suggests the problem lies outside of the organization and structural issues placing the blame directly on the shoulders of warrior women and that needs to be acknowledged, and interrupted. We’ll do just that in today’s episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, where empathy meets pragmatism…

“It’s not your fault, but it is your problem”™

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/meritocracy

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