Advancing Women Podcast

It’s Not Your Fault: Gaslighting, Fragile Accountability, and Invisible Labor

Why do so many women leave conversations feeling confused, guilty, or like everything is somehow their fault?

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we dive into the subtle but corrosive relational patterns that show up in everyday work and home dynamics. The quiet processes that shift responsibility, distort accountability, and erode self-trust over time.

We explore:

• DARVO” a defensive pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) that flips accountability and turns the person raising concerns into the “problem”
• Gaslighting: not the buzzword, but the researched process that erodes trust in your own perceptions over time, especially in unequal power dynamics
• Fragile accountability: when feedback is experienced as attack, reasonable expectations feel persecutory, and responsibility collapses under discomfort
• Invisible labor: the mental, emotional, and logistical work women disproportionately carry, and how it fuels the “nagging” trap

This episode explains why these dynamics feel so disorienting, how they thrive in gendered systems, and what changes when we finally name them clearly.

If you’ve ever wondered:

• Why you’re always apologizing
• Why accountability conversations go nowhere
• Why you feel responsible without having real authority

This episode offers language, clarity, and release from misplaced guilt.

Key takeaway: You’re not imagining it. These are known patterns. Naming them doesn’t make you difficult, it makes you awake. And clarity is where advancing begins.

Advancing Women Podcast previous episodes referenced in this episode:

Emotional Labor: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/emotional-labor/id1569849100?i=1000531515098

The 4 Ps Advancement Model: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-4ps-advancement-model/id1569849100?i=1000525495125

For more on the 4 Ps Advancement Model: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/

Let’s Connect:

· Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

· Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

·  LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Choosing Yourself: Reflections and Intentions for the Year Ahead

Episode Description: Welcome, warriors, to the final episode of the year! In this reflective, heart-centered conversation, we pause to honor everything this year asked of us, explore the importance of choosing ourselves, and set intentions for the year ahead, not as a “new year, new you” exercise, but as an invitation to care for and prioritize ourselves with compassion. We dive into:

• The power of choosing yourself as a practice, with intention
• Why resting, slowing down, and doing less is revolutionary for women
• How perfectionism, “prove-it-again” bias, & societal expectations shape our lives
• Reflections on community, support, and the collective wisdom of the Advancing Women Podcast

Along the way, we revisit some of the year’s most resonant AWP episodes:

• Permission to Pause: Can We Stop Doing and Just Be for a Minute?: Exploring why productivity has become a stand-in for worth and why rest is essential.
• Go Little: Comfort, Joy, and the Art of Doing Less: Redefining success and learning to embrace the meaningfulness of “small” actions and joy.
• There Is a Crack in Everything: That’s How the Light Gets In: Inspired by Leonard Cohen’s lyric and Kintsugi, exploring perfectionism, resilience, and honoring the cracks in our lives.

This episode is a reminder that choosing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. It’s about creating space, breathing room, and radical permission to prioritize your needs and growth. Thank you for walking this journey with me, for being part of our warrior community, and for showing up for yourself and each other.

Episode Highlights / Key Takeaways:

• Choosing yourself is a skill or personality trait. It’s a practice that comes from small, intentional actions.
• Reflection and pausing are just as valuable as action and productivity.
• The cracks in our lives aren’t failures; they are opportunities for growth, wisdom, and light.
• Community matters: you are not alone in navigating all the things…
• Intentions are powerful even if resolutions aren’t perfectly kept; the act of aiming toward growth is what matters.

Let’s Reflect: Take a moment to journal or reflect:

• What does “choosing yourself” look like for you right now?
• Where in your life can you create more space, permission, or breathing room?
• How can you step into the new year with intention, hope, and self-compassion?

Let’s Connect:

Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast  https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

“Going Little” Comfort, Joy, and Doing Less

Episode Description:
It’s December. Again. And the end-of-year chaos is real. This episode is your invitation to slow down, find comfort, and embrace joy through the art of going little.

In this episode,  we explore the Danish concept of Hygge and I share simple, science-backed practices to help you pause, reset, and reclaim calm during the busiest season of the year. From holding a warm drink to creating a cozy nook, or winding down with an intentional end-of-day ritual, these small, intentional actions are ways to soothe your nervous system and reconnect with yourself.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How warmth can regulate your nervous system and reduce stress
• The power of sensory anchoring to calm your mind
• The concept of environmental containment and creating a cozy sanctuary
• How to create an End-of-Day Soft Landing for better rest
• Why doing less doesn’t mean feeling less or being less

Key Takeaway: Whether it’s holding a warm drink, anchoring yourself in a favorite sensory cue, carving out a cozy nook, or gliding gently into sleep, each of these practices invites intentional ease. Go little. Comfort, joy, and presence are not indulgent; they’re essential.

Resources & References:

• The Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell
• The Little Book of Hygge
• Yang, Z., Su, Q., Xie, J. et al. Music tempo modulates emotional states as revealed through EEG insights. Sci Rep 15, 8276 (2025). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-025-92679-1
• Yang, SY., Wang, JY., Liu, C. et al. Effects of binaural beat therapy with different frequencies on autonomic nervous system regulation among college students. BMC Complement Med Ther 25, 206 (2025). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12906-025-04922-x

Listen, Subscribe, Connect!

Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Spend With Intention, Support Women This Holiday Season

Episode Summary

 

In this powerful episode, Kimberly calls us into a deeper, more intentional approach to the holiday season; one rooted in solidarity, economic empowerment, and supporting women in every space they lead, create, and build.

As the holidays approach and our shopping lists grow, this episode challenges the default: What if your purchases, your recommendations, your shares, and your reviews became part of a larger movement? What if supporting women wasn’t just an act of generosity, but an act of cultural change?

Kimberly explores the real data on women’s economic power, the systemic gaps women entrepreneurs face, the inequities in the creator economy, and the small-but-mighty actions each of us can take to move the needle.

This episode is your guide to:
✨ Women-owned products to explore
✨ Women-led services to consider
✨ How to use directories + simple search tools
✨ Free ways to amplify women on social media
✨ How to leave meaningful reviews
✨ How to support women creators and voices

Your dollars matter, but your voice, influence, and solidarity matter just as much! Let’s make this holiday season one rooted in intention, empowerment, and the collective strength of the per-sisterhood.

Key Topics Covered

·       The mental load & invisible holiday labor women carry

·       Why supporting women-owned businesses creates real economic impact

·       Practical ways to “vote with your wallet” this season

·       How to find women-owned businesses (WBENC, W Marketplace, Etsy filters, more)

·       Simple, free, high-impact ways to support women on social media

·       Why reviews matter more for women founders

·       How to back women in the creator economy

·       Recommendations as a form of influence and solidarity

Resources Mentioned. Directories + Marketplaces:

·       WBENC Women-Owned Business Directory

·       SBA WOSB Resources

·       NAWBO Member Lists

·       The W Marketplace

·       Etsy Women-Owned Filter

·       Amazon Women-Owned Page

·       "Women-owned businesses near me" (Google search, seriously, try it!) 

If you discover a women-owned business you love, tag it on Instagram @advancingwomenpodcast so we can amplify it too!

Call to Action

·       Share this episode with the women in your life who love supporting women.

·       Tell a friend about your favorite women podcasters, creators, and entrepreneurs.

·       Post, tag, save, review — it all matters.

·       This season, let your spending, your voice, and your influence become part of a cultural shift that amplifies women everywhere. 

Let’s Connect:

Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Gratitude Without Guilt: Gratitude on Your Own Terms

As Thanksgiving approaches, we’re reclaiming the true power of gratitude. Not the polished, pressured version women are so often handed. This episode digs into how gratitude has been distorted, weaponized, or used to quiet our very real experiences, and invites you to take it back on your own terms.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How “enforced gratitude” becomes emotional dismissal and invalidation
• The gendered gratitude gap and why women often give more than they receive
• Emotional multiplicity: holding gratitude and struggle at the same time
• Reverse gratitude: being thankful for what you released or outgrew
• What healthy, self-directed, truthful gratitude actually looks like

Join me for an honest, empowering conversation about gratitude as resistance, empowerment, and restoration.

Key Takeaways:

• Gratitude should empower, not silence
• You can hold multiple feelings and emotions at once
• Letting go can be something to be grateful for
• Healthy gratitude is self-directed, grounded, and restorative

Hashtags:
#AdvancingWomenPodcast #GratitudeWithoutGuilt #WomenAndGratitude #EmotionalLabor #ReverseGratitude #WomenEmpowerment #HonestGratitude #HolidayWellness #BoundariesAreBeautiful #ReclaimYourTime #ReclaimYourPeace

Previous episode referenced in this episode:

Advancing Women Podcast. Spotify Weaponized Gratitude & Gratitude Shaming https://open.spotify.com/episode/1CKUwcWxCqGyuieOplP2GP?si=c7ffc86d6c8041e9

Let’s Connect:

Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

The Sensitivity Advantage: Why Feeling Deeply Makes You Powerful

Episode Summary:
In this episode of The Advancing Women Podcast, Dr. Kimberly DeSimone explores the science and social conditioning behind women’s emotional sensitivity, and reframes it more accurately…as a strength, not a flaw.

Research shows that women, on average, have lower baseline serotonin levels than men; but the story doesn’t end there. This biological difference interacts with hormonal cycles and cultural expectations to shape how women feel, respond, and are perceived. Dr. DeSimone reveals how emotional responsiveness, so often dismissed as being “too emotional”, is actually a powerful form of emotional intelligence, leadership, and adaptive strength. From boardrooms to families, women’s ability to read the room, sense tension, and lead with empathy is not “soft,” it’s strategic.

This episode offers both a scientific and empowering reframe that helps us honor our depth, protect our energy, and lead from emotional authenticity without apology.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why women’s serotonin levels affect emotional sensitivity — and what that means for mood and connection.
How cultural conditioning distorts emotional intelligence into “overreaction.”
The “gendered emotion hierarchy”, and how bias defines which emotions are labeled as strength or weakness.
Why empathy and sensitivity are forms of data gatheringand leadership.
How to protect your emotional energy through mindful boundaries and self-compassion.

Key Takeaways:
Sensitivity is strength. Emotional attunement is intelligence.
Emotion is data, not drama.
Boundaries protect your empathy.
Reframing emotional intelligence is revolutionary leadership.

Mentioned concepts:

Serotonin and hormonal influence on mood

Gender socialization and emotional labor

Emotional intelligence and leadership

Patriarchal bias in emotion valuation

Mindful self-protection and boundary-setting

#AdvancingWomenPodcast #EmotionalIntelligence #WomenInLeadership #SensitivityIsStrength #GenderBias #EmotionalIntelligenceAtWork #EmpathyInLeadership

References:

Don’t Call Them Soft Skills: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-call-them-soft-skills-with-communications/id1569849100?i=1000606194105

Brain and Behavior Research Foundation (2024). Male-Female Differences in the Serotonin System May Help Explain Differences in Stress Vulnerability, Study Suggests:  https://bbrfoundation.org/content/male-female-differences-serotonin-system-may-help-explain-differences-stress-vulnerability

 

National Institute of Health: Differences between males and females in rates of serotonin synthesis in human brain. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC24674/

 

Let’s Connect:

Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Another Season of the Witch: The Coven of Persisterhood

Episode Summary:
Welcome to the Advancing Women Podcast! In this Halloween-themed episode, we reclaim the witch archetype as a symbol of female power, independence, and solidarity. Building on last year’s Season of the Witch, we explore how the witch reflects the experiences of ambitious women across history and today…from the backlash faced by independent women to the double standards confronting women leaders.

Through media, history, and lived experience, we uncover how witches (and women!) have been feared, misunderstood, and sometimes punished for asserting autonomy. But there’s a bright side: the witch is being reclaimed in fiction, in culture, and in women’s networks, offering a model for persistence, solidarity, and strategic power.

Join us as we dive into:

• The historical and modern symbolism of the witch
• How autonomy, economic independence, and ambition have provoked backlash across centuries
• The parallels between historical witch hunts and modern workplace double standards
• The power of covens—real and metaphorical—and what I call persisterhood
• Strategies for building networks of support, mentorship, and collective resilience

This episode is a call to embrace your coven, celebrate your independence, and wear your power proudly. Because we are the persisterhood, and our solidarity, creativity, and courage are our most potent magic.

“We are the granddaughters of the witches you weren’t able to burn. Let’s wear that badge proudly.” #covenofpersisterhood #seasonofthewitch #persisterhood #genderbias #leadershipbias #leadership #advancingwomenpodcast #genderequity

Resources & References:

• Mona Chollet, In Defense of Witches
• Joan Williams, research on the tightrope bias and workplace double standards
• Media examples: Wicked, Practical Magic, Marvel’s Agatha Harkness
• Historical context: Matilda Joslyn Gage on persecution of witches (Woman, Church and State, 1893)

Connect & Engage:

Subscribe, rate, and share the podcast!

Leave a review or a like on Instagram if this episode resonated with your inner witch!

Follow, and Join the Conversation on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

& Facebook https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

More on Dr. DeSimone here! https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Where Did Play Go? Reclaiming Your Joyful Self in a Serious World

Episode Summary:
Have you ever felt like a part of yourself got lost along the way? That lighter, playful version of you—the one who laughed without thinking, chased silly ideas, or turned a rainy day into an adventure—quietly slipped away amid responsibilities, deadlines, and endless to-do lists? When was the last time you played just for the joy of it? Not for productivity, not for output…just for YOU?

In this episode of Advancing Women Podcast, I explore the lost art of playfulness and why reclaiming it matters; not just for joy, but for creativity, resilience, connection, and well-being. Drawing inspiration from childhood stories, pop culture, and science-backed research, I’ll share practical strategies to invite play back into your life. #tunein

We’ll discuss:

• Why productivity culture and societal pressures often push play aside, especially for ambitious women.
• How play actually improves brain function, problem-solving, creativity, and relationships.
• Micro-play rituals and imaginative practices you can start today.
• How reconnecting with your playful self can reduce stress, spark joy, and strengthen community.

Key Takeaways:

• Playfulness is not optional—it’s foundational to thriving.
• Shared laughter and playful interactions enhance connection and trust.
• Start small: 5 minutes of dancing, doodling, silly voice texts, or gamifying everyday tasks can reignite your playful spirit.
• Revisit childhood joys and bring them into adult life intentionally.
• Use micro-play rituals to make routine spaces and moments playful and alive.

Resources Mentioned:

Brown, Stuart. Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.Avery.

Ware, Bronnie. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.Hay House.

Apps / Tools: Habitica. Habitica, https://habitica.com/ and Epic Win. Redwood Games, https://www.redwoodgames.com/epicwin

Let’s Connect:

Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

The feedback trap. When Criticism is Really Bias.

We’ve all heard it: “You’re too controlling.” “You should smile more.” “Maybe if you weren’t so emotional…”

But here’s the truth: not all feedback is created equal. And far too often, what women receive isn’t feedback at all. It’s bias dressed up as “constructive criticism.”

In this episode, we’re tackling a common but often invisible challenge in professional and personal life: feedback that masquerades as growth but is actually bias. We explore how women frequently receive critiques that focus on personality, style, or likability rather than skills or outcomes. Feedback that can drain energy, reinforce double standards, and perpetuate gender bias.

Finally, I share strategies for reframing and resisting biased feedback, so you can protect your confidence and focus on growth that truly matters. If you’ve ever felt like you’re working twice as hard to fix things that were never broken, this episode is for you.

Key Topics Covered:

• Feedback vs. bias: How to tell the difference
• Competence vs. likability: The damned-if-you-do, doomed-if-you-don’t bind
• Joan Williams’ prove-it-again bias and its impact on women’s careers
• Vocal fry, uptalk, and other examples of style policing as bias
• Practical strategies: reframing biased feedback and pushing back with questions 

Manifestatement (Key Takeaway): Biased feedback is not your personal deficit. You are neither broken, nor defective. By reframing and resisting, we reclaim our power, keep the focus on outcomes, and push toward greater equity.

Resources & References:

Williams, J. C., & Dempsey, R. (2014). What works for women at work: Four patterns working women need to know. New York University Press. 

Previous Advancing Women Podcast Episode:

Tone Policing, Vocal Fry, & Upspeak (4/7/22) https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/tone-policing-vocal-fry-upspeak/id1569849100?i=1000568796565

TikTok trend example (Is a “top-tier” man just an average woman?) https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17XnA2v6E3/

Let’s Connect:
Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en

Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Animal Kingdom’s Painted Dogs and the Case for Collaborative Leadership

Episode Summary:
What can a pack of African painted dogs teach us about leadership and gender equity? A lot more than you might think.

On a recent Disney trip with my son, I hopped on my favorite ride - Kilimanjaro Safari -in one of my favorite parks – Animal Kingdom, and our guide, Kyla, shared something that really caught my attention: painted dogs are the most successful hunters in the animal kingdom with an incredible 85% success rate. Compare that to the so-called “King of the Jungle,” the lion, who is successful only about 20% of the time.

The difference? Not brute force. Not dominance. Not confidence.
The painted dogs’ secret is collaboration. They succeed because an alpha male and alpha female lead together, backed by the entire pack.

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we explore:

• Why win/win beats win/lose in leadership and equity.
• The hidden strengths that are too often overlooked and undervalued.
• How McKinsey research proves diverse, collaborative leadership outperforms.
• The importance of communal traits like empathy, compassion, and collaboration.
• Why the future of leadership looks a lot less like lions, and a lot more like painted dogs.

This episode is a reminder that leadership and equity aren’t about fighting for the biggest piece of the pie. it’s about ditching the scarcity mindset in favor of abundance. Win/Win!

If you lead a team, an organization, or even your own family, this episode will challenge you to rethink leadership and equity, not as competition, but as collaboration. #tunein and discover why the case for gender equity is really the case for better leadership for everyone.

References:
🎧 Advancing Women Podcast (2023, July 17). Gender Equity = Win/Win
Listen here

📊 Hunt, V., Prince, S., Dixon-Fyle, S., & Yee, L. (2020). Diversity Wins: How Inclusion Matters. McKinsey & Company.
Read here

📖 Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press. (See Habit #4: Think Win-Win)

Let’s Connect:
Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast
Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast
LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share the podcast!