Advancing Women Podcast

Mind the Gap: Between Expectations & Requirements

Are Your Expectations Really the Problem — or Is That Just What You've Been Told?

Research shows that expectations can be a major source of stress, anxiety, and even the breakdown of trust and respect in our relationships. But let’s challenge the tired narrative that women’s so-called “too high expectations” are to blame.

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, I flip the script. We take a closer look at the real issue: the difference between expectations (often shaped by social norms and limiting stereotypes) and requirements or standards (which are rooted in self-respect, self-worth, and self-care).

The real question isn’t, “Are my expectations too high?” It’s:
“What do I truly require in my relationships—and why?”

Spoiler alert: You are allowed—encouraged, even—to set clear, healthy standards for how you want and deserve to be treated. This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking, stop second-guessing, and start owning your requirements unapologetically.

Tune in for a powerful mindset shift—from bending to meet others’ comfort zones to boldly honoring your own. Let’s stop blaming women for wanting more, and start asking why we’ve been taught to settle for less.

Referenced Episodes:

Young Men are Opting Out of Marriage and Relationships. Should We Care? (March 2023)

 Comparison is the Thief of Joy (May 2023)

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Praise Publicly, Criticize Privately

In this powerful and timely episode, we explore how feedback—especially public feedback—can have vastly different impacts depending on gender, and why the principle “praise publicly, criticize privately” is more than just good advice—it’s a vital strategy for allyship, equity, and leadership development.

Dr. Kimberly DeSimone shares personal insights from years of academic leadership, backed by compelling research on gender bias in student evaluations, performance reviews, and workplace feedback. This episode uncovers how even well-intentioned critiques can reinforce long-standing stereotypes and disproportionately affect women, particularly those in authority or leadership roles.

From teaching evaluations to performance appraisals, listeners are challenged to think critically about how, where, and why they deliver feedback—and how they can shift their language and delivery to foster fairness, growth, and inclusion for everyone.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• Why feedback given to women is often shaped by unconscious gender norms.
• How student evaluations and performance reviews can reflect systemic bias—even unintentionally.
• The power of public praise to combat stereotypes and normalize women's success.
• How private critique, delivered thoughtfully, fosters psychological safety and growth without reinforcing harmful narratives.
• The importance of avoiding gendered labels like “bossy,” “catty,” or “cold,” and replacing them with specific, behavior-based feedback.
• Why women are judged on proof while men are judged on potential—and how to interrupt that dynamic.

Key Takeaways:

• Bias in feedback is real, often unconscious, and has lasting consequences.
• Words matter. The language we use to describe women influences how they are perceived and treated.
• Allyship means being intentional. Supporting women means rethinking when, where, and how we give feedback.
• Public criticism can reinforce negative stereotypes, while public praise can disrupt them.
• Everyone carries unconscious bias. But with awareness, we can shift the culture—one conversation, one evaluation, and one word choice at a time.

Resources Mentioned:

• Clare Boothe Luce’s quote on the burden of representation for women.
• Research by Joan Williams and the Center for WorkLife Law on gender bias.
• MacNell, Driscoll, and Hunt (2015) study on gender in teaching evaluations.

Call to Action:

Think about the last time you gave feedback—what words did you use? Was it public or private? This week, try praising a woman’s work formally and publicly, and if needed, deliver critique privately and constructively. It’s a small change with the potential for big impact.

 

Join the Conversation:

Have a story about feedback—good or bad? Want to share how you’re practicing mindful allyship? Tag us on Instagram @advancingwomenpodcast to keep the conversation going.

Subscribe & Share:

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a colleague or friend who gives or receives feedback. And don’t forget to subscribe for more conversations on advancing women in leadership, work, and beyond.

 

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https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Live What Matters and Let The Rest Go!

We’re constantly reminded to take time for ourselves, to prioritize self-care, to fill our own cup first. These messages are everywhere—but let’s be honest, it’s not always that simple. Life has a way of stacking the deck against us. The expectations never stop piling up. We’re juggling so many responsibilities—personally, professionally, emotionally—and somehow we’re supposed to keep all the balls in the air…with a smile on our face.

In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, I explore the radical idea of accepting the chaos—acknowledging it without judgment—and finding ways to care for ourselves within it. Not after everything is calm. Not when the to-do list is done. Now.

This is about creating a sustainable practice of peace. It’s about showing up with intention, even in the messiness. Being mindful of how we feel, how we move through the world, and the energy we bring into our relationships and spaces.

Let’s talk about the small but powerful ways we can nurture our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being—especially when life feels anything but peaceful.

 

References:

The Blissful Mind website https://theblissfulmind.com/

https://recreation.ku.edu/seven-pillars-self-care#

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

 

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

 

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Walking in an Autism Mom’s Shoes: The Gift of Empathy

Want to know how you can truly support family or friends raising a child with autism? This episode is for you. With April being Autism Awareness Month, it’s the perfect time to learn about what really matters.

Studies show that mothers of children with autism experience stress and depression levels on par with those of active combat soldiers. In this episode, we dive into the importance of awareness, empathy, and practical ways you can offer meaningful support. These are the things autism moms wish you understood, and this episode shares how you can show up for them.

Tune in to the Advancing Women Podcast to hear from autism moms about our experiences and what you can say or do to offer the empathy and support we need.

"No matter how confident we seem, we are scared all the time. No matter how energetic or enthusiastic we seem, we are exhausted all the time. No matter how together we seem, we often feel like we’re barely surviving. No matter how easy we make it look… it’s so freaking hard every day.” #tunein

 

For more information on Dr. Kimberly DeSimone or the Advancing Women Podcast:

 

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Advancing Women Podcast Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Trailblazing Women: Timeless Words of Wisdom for Women's History Month

In this episode, we celebrate Women’s History Month with words of wisdom from many powerful, brilliant, and inspiring women. Their poignant quotes provide lasting insight and inspiration for all women as we continue to work towards gender equity for all.

These quotes and the resulting discussion come from a variety of women including women of color, women from the LGBTQ community, and women from countries across the globe. The quotes go as far back as the 1700s through current day. This is about the voice and inspiration of ALL women. From Abigail Adams, Susan B. Anthony and Lucrecia Mott to Gloria Steinem, Alice Walker, and Audre Lorde, to Doria Shafik, Raicho Hiratsuka, and Simone de Beauvoir to Maya Angelou and Emma Watson – you won’t want to miss this inspiration and insight FROM warrior women, FOR warrior women. #womenshistorymonth

For more information on Dr. Kimberly DeSimone or the Advancing Women Podcast:

 

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Advancing Women Podcast Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

The Progress Principle

In today’s episode, I dive deep into the feeling of being overwhelmed and constantly busy, despite our best efforts to manage our time better. I share some personal reflections on how to take back control of our time and the importance of making small progress in our personal and professional lives. I explore the concept of The Progress Principle, backed by science, and how small wins can lead to greater momentum and motivation. It's a journey of intentionality — where it's not about doing more or being perfect, but about creating consistent, small steps toward progress that lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment.

Key Themes Discussed in this Episode:

• The Overwhelm Trap: Despite making efforts to reclaim our time, many of us feel overwhelmed with the constant demands of life. The question arises: How can we create more time for ourselves while feeling less burdened?
• The Power of Saying YES to Ourselves: Often, we focus on saying no to others to protect our time. But maybe it's time to say yes to ourselves — add intentional actions that help us feel more in control of our lives.
• The Science Behind Progress: Drawing from The Progress Principle by Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer, I explore how small, incremental progress in meaningful tasks can positively impact our well-being, creativity, and motivation.
• Breaking the Cycle of Inaction: How can we avoid feeling stuck or paralyzed by the magnitude of our goals? Small wins matter, and a little forward motion can help us build momentum.
• Small Actions, Big Impact: I share simple, actionable steps like focusing on small goals, celebrating wins, and creating a sustainable approach to maintaining momentum. It’s about making a little bit of progress each day — whether it's spending 10 minutes on a task, having a brief conversation with a friend, or carving out time for self-care.

The key to overcoming overwhelm and reclaiming your time isn’t necessarily about doing more or perfecting everything. It's about taking small, intentional actions that gradually build momentum and foster a sense of accomplishment. If we can apply The Progress Principle in our own lives, we'll feel more in control, less overwhelmed, and more motivated to move forward — one small step at a time. #tunein #advancingwomenpodcast

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Oh, The Joy of Missing Out!

What if we could turn FOMO (the fear of missing out) into JOMO (the JOY of missing out)? In this episode of the #AdvancingWomenPodcast join me in exploring how embracing the freedom to say “no” can help us prioritize us and our time.

JOMO isn’t about scaling back on ambition or motivation, it’s about intentionally focusing our time and energy on what truly brings us both achievement and joy. It’s about creating balance. #tunein to discover how to shift from the fear of missing out to the joy of missing out. JOMO could be the perfect antidote to FOMO, offering peace and fulfillment without the anxiety of feeling left behind. It encourages being fully present in the moment and appreciating the activities you're engaged in, rather than comparing them to what others are doing. #podcast

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

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References

https://aninjusticemag.com/whom-do-you-love-your-mother-or-her-sacrifices-a951be29f352

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/between-the-lines/fomo/articleshow/62550811.cms

Fajar Kusnadi Kusumah Putra. (2019). Emerging Travel Trends: Joy of Missing Out (JOMO) Vs Iconic Landmarks. Jurnal Pariwisata Terapan, 3(1), 17–33. https://doi.org/10.22146/jpt.49273

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201807/jomo-the-joy-missing-out

https://www.psycom.net/fomo-to-jomo

Black History Month: Historic Black Women's Voices

February is Black History Month, an annual celebration to honor the remarkable achievements of African Americans and acknowledge their pivotal contributions to U.S. history. Throughout this journey, African American women have often been overlooked, despite playing a central role in the ongoing fight for gender equity.

This episode celebrates and highlights the powerful voices of courageous Black women, past and present, who have dedicated their lives to creating a more just and equitable world. Tune in for a profound conversation filled with the wisdom and inspiration of these incredible women, whose words continue to carry immense power and make a lasting impact! #tunein to the #advancingwomenpodcast to celebrate Black History Month and honor the invaluable insights of brilliant Black women, including Sojourner Truth, Shirley Chisholm, Bell Hooks, Pauli Murray, Kimberlé Crenshaw, Audre Lorde, Angela Davis, Dr. Maya Angelou, and many more! 

References:

Hooks, B. (1981). Ain't I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism. Chicago

Hooks, B. Feminism Is for Everybody: Passionate Politics. Cambridge, MA: South End Press

About Kimberlé Crenshaw https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/5/20/18542843/intersectionality-conservatism-law-race-gender-discrimination

Sojourner Truth’s Ain’t I a Woman Speech (read by Dr. Maya Angelou) https://youtu.be/mM4JjuQeqDA

Truth, S. (Original Speech, 1851) https://thehermitage.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Sojourner-Truth_Aint-I-a-Woman_1851.pdf

For more information on Dr. DeSimone or the Advancing Women Podcast:

Advancing Women Podcast https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

Stop Policing How Women Talk

If you feel like your “tone” and level of emotion are being policed, #tunein because this is the #advancingwomenpodcast episode for you!

Scrutiny of women’s speaking patterns is the latest frontier in an endless barrage of judgment and undermining women face. It is yet another way to blame women. An attempt to shift the emphasis to fixing women versus doing the hard work of fixing #genderbias

Tone policing (when someone focuses on how something is said, rather than what is actually being said) often involves critiquing the emotional tone, volume, or manner of speaking, rather than addressing the substance of the message itself. This can be a way to dismiss or silence someone, especially when their words challenge the status quo or express frustration, anger, or vulnerability.

In essence, it shifts the conversation away from the content of the message to the way it's delivered, often in a way that reinforces power imbalances.

We need to recognize tone policing and comments about upspeak and vocal fry for what they truly are…not a peeve that needs to be professionally developed away but rather, an attempt to silence women. At its core, this policing is about power and status, and who is allowed to have it. Tune in to see how we can learn to recognize and interrupt these bias patterns and put the kibosh on this new version of the tired “fix the women” narrative.

As always, it’s not your fault, but it is your problem, so don’t miss this episode to learn more about tone policing, upspeak, and vocal fry and how to put the kibosh on this new “fix the women” narrative.

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

Website: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

References:

Business Inside Men Use Upspeak and Vocal Fry Too https://www.businessinsider.com/men-use-upspeak-and-vocal-fry-too-2015-8

 

NPR From Upspeak To Vocal Fry: Are We 'Policing' Young Women's Voices? https://www.npr.org/2015/07/23/425608745/from-upspeak-to-vocal-fry-are-we-policing-young-womens-voices

 

The Conversation https://theconversation.com/keep-an-eye-on-vocal-fry-its-all-about-power-status-and-gender-45883#:~:text=Vocal%20fry%20is%20a%20distinct,of%20belonging%20in%20that%20tribe

Time https://time.com/5006345/what-is-vocal-fry/

Upworthy https://www.upworthy.com/what-is-vocal-fry-and-why-doesnt-anyone-care-when-men-talk-like-that

Examples of male vocal fry

https://the-toast.net/2015/07/22/examples-of-male-vocal-fry/

A New Year, or Just Another Year?

Moving from one calendar year to the next doesn't automatically result in personal growth or transformation. Without making changes to the way we think and behave, we’re unlikely to experience any significant improvement or progress, no matter how much time passes.

As author James Clear says…we  don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. And too often, the systems we try to succeed in weren’t designed by or for us. In this Advancing Women Podcast episode we deconstruct the barriers that get in the way of our success. It’s all about what you think, what you know, and what you do, so #tunein and learn how to change the game (rather than playing their game) with strategies that better serve you.

For more about Dr. DeSimone and the Advancing Women Podcast

https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88

https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/